Dezvoltare Erena

M22s' Thoughts, Anxiety and Excitement Noted at the COS conference

2010-02-23T01:40:00.001-08:00

Before and After

2010-02-23T01:25:00.000-08:00

Recently we had our COS (close & continuation of service) conference. Afterwards we got together for a group picture and the other night I realized how much fun it is to compare that picture to the one we took right after the Swearing In Ceremony in 2008.

Where have the time gone? Do you see any differences? Can you tell we've all grown?

So much fun...enjoy!

After Swearing In Ceremony 2008

After COS conference 2010

Checking In, in Order to Check Out

2010-02-16T01:49:00.000-08:00

The M22 (my group) will have COS (close of service) conference tomorrow!! The time has come. I've been waiting for such a long time for this moment. All kinds of emotions are racing right now: excitement, anxiety, anxiousness, eagerness, impatience, hyper thinking and planning, regret, contentment...and the list literally goes on and on. If you are questioning how on earth a person can honestly go through all of those emotions at once, ask a new PC volunteer who had just gotten to their site, or one that is about to leave (Me!).

Among my last days I've been taking inventory of how much I've gained from my experiences.

Did I get to do all that I intended in doing while here? The answer to that is a big fat NO!

Did I end up learning more than I thought? YES!

Did I make true friendships and family connections with the people I've met here, both Moldovan and my fellow volunteers? Big YES, sir!!

Did I enjoy my time here? Some days more than others, for sure.

Do I feel content in my service? Not always, but I have to think of the little impact my presence here has been implicated in my community.

How does one do that, you may ask? Well, I will tell you...

To examine how content my presence has been here in Moldova, I need to take a look into how I've accomplished the goals of my program (COD), in which I'll outline here.

~Identify Community Assets/Interest/Needs

~Implement Community Activities

~Promote Volunteerism

~Improved Organizational Management

~Improve Sustainability of Services

~Improve Use of IT Resources

~Enhance Networking Among Organizations

~Improve Opportunities for Youth

Looking back, I can honestly say I did touch on each of them in one way or another in everything I've done here.

I wish I could have been more of an impact, could have implemented more activities, had more time to figure things out; or actually, I wish I took less time to figure things out, but more time to implement. But truth be told, that is just how it was. But if you were to ask me, if I would want to take it all back, if I could, answer is: A loud, NO!!

I got what I can take from being in Moldova and Moldova was able to give me what it can in the time I was here. Soon I will get on that plane, stuff full still with all of those emotions I came with, but with one more thing added, a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small or big, they are mine alone. That is what I'm proud to take home with me.

I knitted these!!

2010-01-18T00:30:00.001-08:00

My weekend project. My host mom taught me how to knit slippers and now I can't stop knitting. It has been a great way to distract myself from the snowy weather and from drowning in future career and life anxieties.

Last Critical Period in the Life of a Peace Corps Volunteer

2010-01-16T11:54:00.000-08:00

Month 23 -27

I am just at the beginning of this stage, this month being month 23rd.

Issues
Trauma of Departure
Concerns about social re-entry
Bridging new and former identity
Redefinition of career
Redefinition of host-country based on relationships

Behavior/Reaction
Fright
Confusion
Alienation
Anxiety
Panic
Giddiness
Impatience
Obsession with planning and scheduling

Intervention
Check on trends, US popular culture with new trainees
Do Self-analysis: Identify factors of self and work gratification
Work on self-image
Shop for arts, crafts, souvenirs
Write friends, make social plans
Post PC travel plans
Transfer skills and knowledge to trainees
Arrange for gifts for host family

>From my own list:
Job search
Planning COS (Close of Service) Trip

In an attempt to get through this stage, an intervention is in order, in doing a self-analysis in identifying factors of self and work gratification, I present:

2009 Year in Review

(Inspired by my best friend, Punam, who has tremendously and unconditionally supported me throughout everything in my life ).

I spent New Years 2009 in Prague! From that trip, I was able to connect with the girls in my group and allowed me to appreciate life even more for seeing another beautiful country.

I quit Piano lessons. Found out the source of why I felt so unhappy, from not having the right learning environment. Silver lining: I got to learn the keys and one song, and was successful at recognizing the source of my problem and quit at something. All my life, I have a hard time admitting to myself that I can quit something and not be disappointed in myself for not pushing through and succeeding. An example, bad experience in life was a Chemistry course in college. About 3/4 of the class dropped out, but I was determined to push through with a passing grade. My GPA suffered because of that. Quitting Piano proved to me that I know myself and my limits well.

Reached Intermediate High on my Romanian Language Exam! Felt more comfortable in contributing to conversations with my host family and at the office.

Had my Birthday celebration where I celebrated the Moldovan way. Made a ton of food with my host mom and dad's help and served 15 people at the office. Made me realize how much I love how Americans celebrate birthdays, the spoiled way. The greatest part, I learned how to cook Moldovan food.

Was asked to write an article for my village's local high school. I was able to explain my work and about Peace Corps.

Celebrated one year as a Peace Corps Volunteer! At that time, it seemed such an accomplishment.

Had two meetings where I consider to be one of the biggest success in doing what I do, that is to help my community build a stronger network with other organizations. For both meetings. I was able to get my Mayor and others to join and get information for future projects. From one I was able to place my self identification within the community I work with.

Was chosen one of the mentors for new volunteers. Somehow this was a big turning point for me, seeing that I went through so many challenges and had to re-evaluate my presence in Moldova so many times over, to see how my mentally changed to loving what I do.

Completed the Mural! This project allowed me to emerge all my energy into art.

Went to Rome and saw Tyler! My appreciation for life, yet again increased for seeing the world's antiquity and sharing it with my favorite person.

Turned in two grants for the bathroom and plumbing repair for the high school. This project allowed me to truly act as a facilitator within the community to get it together, and I felt fulfilling in doing the job, I was sent to do.

Romania pre-Christmas and Berlin for New Years 2010! Loving the world and its beauty.

Thinking back to 2009 compared to 2008, 2009 kicked 2008 in it's behind. I had far less crying sessions, I enjoyed the complexities of my service much much more, I felt more comfortable in my skin in being a Cambodian American Peace Corps Volunteer in Moldova.

I have a lot planned for 2010 and a lot unplanned. I know there is an adventure awaiting me and I know I am going to enjoy every minute of it.

Here is to a happy, healthy, best year ever in our lives!

Transitions and Seeing the Other Side of the Fence

2010-01-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

There is no running water again! It's been three days. This irritates me like no other. Not the fact that we don't have access to water, but the fact that no one tells anyone that they are going to turn it off or when we'll get it back, to work on a section of the village or something for example.

Today, I came into work with all intentions of working through my check list of things to do, but as soon as I sat down on my desk, the lights went out and the internet is gone. I have no way to work, and who knows when it'll be turned back on again. IRRITATION! On the bright side, it was a good thing I charged my laptop's battery last night, having had hindsight that things like this could happen.

Ok, ok, to tell you the truth the basis of my frustrations might have something to do with a grant proposal being turned down. When I sat down at my desk this morning, I was able to log onto my email and one of the few emails I got was one from a granter that apologetically declined to grant money for the bathroom and plumbing repair project for the high school.

In an attempt to calm my nerves I have the Most Relaxing mix of classical music running, and have decided to write down my thoughts, and to later work on my Volunteer Report Form, which do not require the use of internet, luckily.

I have 3 more months left!!! The hour glass is running faster now, and of course, it is when I have so many different things on my mind to get done. One of which, is to put together a resource manual for my Mayor's office on project strategic planning, a grant list of all the grants I've come cross and grant researching and writing information. Mostly things I've been working on with them, but this way they have something to refer to when I'm not here. So far I have the information on file, I just need to put it in order and translate some of the documents into Romanian.

The other lurking objective for the next three months is to find a job. My first day of searching for one was yesterday, which did not prove successful. I think I have specific ideas on what I want to do and with which population I want to work with. Maybe I should not be so picky, considering the job market I'll be stepping into. Cross fingers that I'll land something that will get me up in the morning excited to start my day.

Looking back at this blog, it's been a long time since I've updated on my situation here. I'll try to give you some highlights. For the last few months, we've been working on grants for the bathroom repair. We've turned two in so far, one to an organization in Holland and one in America. The one in America was the one I received an email from this morning. The other one we will hopefully hear from by February. For the time being, I should see if there is another grant we can work with.

Great, Classical music is irritating too and my scrolling up and down touch pad is not working on my laptop! Oh Wow, today is really not my day, is it?

Deep breaths!! Deep inhale, exhale!!

Looks like The John Butler Trio will have to do for now.

Another aspect, getting to the brighter side of things, my host parents have been wonderful. We keep finding ourselves planning certain activities and then later realizing that by that time I will be gone. Then there is a period of silence. Time for remembrance and recollection of how close we've become and how comfortable we are to each other. Then the conversation keeps going again.

There is one reoccurring topic that seems to come up lately for me. It concerns comfort zones. How one gets comfortable with how things are and are afraid or unwilling to accept change.

For an example, yesterday at the local store I found out that they ran out of Colgate tooth paste. For all my time here, that is the only brand I've been using, solely because it is a brand I'm familiar with. The lady offered another brand with a weird logo and name, and for several seconds, I stood there undecided whether or not I really want to venture into buying it. You never know if it'll taste like feet, or whether or not has the right amout of mint or fluoride necessary for clean teeth. The women became impatient with me and even said, "It's only 6 lei (vs. Colgate for 12 lei) and forced me to say, "Ok, I'll try it."

That night, you guessed it, I did not enjoy brushing my teeth with the odd taste and lack of freshness. I looked at the back of the tube and it says the paste was made in Bulgaria. Then I got excited that for one, I learned something new, that now I know Bulgaria makes green colored tooth paste called Orbel, and another I learned something about me. The truth of it is, I like to try new things. (Don't laugh) I do. I just need a little push and shove.

Good news: The John Butler Trio is doing the trick, feeling better already.

For New Years I went to Berlin, and before that I was in Romania. About 3 weeks I was gone, I got used to life away from Moldova, eating all different type of food, showering when I want to, even having hot water at all times. That was hard to leave behind and come back to Moldova. The transition was very rough, but once I walked into my house and saw my host parents and slept on my own bed, I was home and everything was ok again.

The toughest thing in life are the transitions, I feel like. That part I don't think I can ever get used to. Does the act of putting yourself through series of transitions help one to be more immune to its effect? I wonder, because I have always been a person who have had many transitions in life presented to her, and every time I push through it, but never fully enjoying it. Question for the day, what type of person does it take to enjoy fully the transitions in life? For I want to be that person.

Now to another subject all together. As you know, my time here is limited. I am being forced to imagine life after Moldova. You can call that seeing the other side of the fence. When thinking about that, a thought occurred to me, "When was it that I jumped onto this side of the fence?"

If you read my blog, you will bond to notice that for the longest time I struggled to find acceptance to this side of the fence. To become an insider. I guess Peace Corps will call that cultural/community integration. I tried to think back to when I can say that I am in. Not just mentally thinking, but emotionally in.

After rereading some old emails I think I came across that period in time documented by me. I am going to include an excerpt from the email written at the time to my boyfriend, Tyler, who has been outstandingly supportive of my adventure, for I want this blog to come to its full circle and to truly represent my service.

Dated October 27, 2009

(A little background, this was titled "The Meeting Update", referring to a meeting my Mayor and I had with an international organization, in which we hoped would grant our bathroom and plumbing repair project)

It turned out the organization does not work outside of two or three districts outside of Chisinau and our district is too far and our village is too big for them. They are not able to come and work with us, but recommended us to wait and see if the US Army, a branch specifically from North Carolina, who wants to implement the same type of projects, around 15 or so new Eco toilets in Moldova, would want to come work in our village. We just don't know when they will start the implementation, however we registered our project with this organization for them to pass our name along to the US Army!

I bet you are thinking, the US Army??? What? Why? I asked the same thing, believe me. They told me they don't know. I'm a little skeptical of the whole thing, but whatever. If the US Army wants to work with humanitarian aid and bring Eco toilets to Moldova, poftim (which means, bring it on in Romanian).

About the translation worries I had. I didn't even need to do much translating for there was an Moldovan guy who works at the org who did a lot of the translation. Though at times I took him as being inconsiderate of my Mayor. Actually all three of the men there were very rude.

The person who translated was making jokes with the leader of the project from Switzerland in English that, "of course the sewerage system doesn't work, Do you have to ask that question?" and went on and on laughing while my Mayor was in the process of explaining how our village takes care of the sewerage. And when he asked if we have safe drinking water my Mayor said, "It's ok", and they laughed, "Well it must be, because you both are still alive (meaning me and my Mayor), hahaha," How rude!

Then when my Mayor heard about the Army, he said to me to translate that he wants to turn the abandoned old school into a cadet schools for unmotivated young boys who dropped out of school, that are left behind from working abroad parents to discipline them. Then the translator interrupted us and did the translating for me, and then the other ppl in the room quickly told my Mayor it's a nice dream to have. My Mayor quickly said that he is just saying it would be nice to do, he's not asking if they would help make it happen.

I don't know what it was, but I felt for my Mayor then. I can't place my emotions exactly, but I understood where he is coming from. These people don't know how it is in our village. I mean they don't even want to venture into a project with us, because, we are "too big". It'll be too much work. But yet, they are so quick to shut down his wishes and dreams for his village.

I do admit that when he told me his idea for the cadet school before, I was skeptical of it, of how he would find funding and what the use of it is, but from his point of view, I now can understand his urgency to implement changes, to strive for developments, to provide his people with a better place to live, a place where they can be proud to call home.

It was interesting to see how my emotions have changed at the meeting. Does this mean that I now identify myself as one of the villagers? Does it mean that I now understand the hardship? I don't know, because even through all of those identifications, I still know that I will one day leave this place. That I no longer have to think or worry about not having hot water, or about the quality of the water. Or think of the kids having to go outside to use the outhouse at school during winter months, and that there were 15 reported cases in 2008-2009 of children at the school who were sick with Pyelonephritis, because they prolong their urge to go to the bathroom all the time which then resulted in an UTI, then it gets untreated and then it reaches their pelvis and kidneys.

I looked it up, and found that in a annually report around 12-13 cases is the norm among 10,0000 people. There are 5,000 people in my village and around 780 children at the school. Is this ok? This is not to mention the cases of illness from not having a proper place to wash hands.

I find people are too quick to judge, too quick to make assumptions about how people live, about them as human beings in general, and this makes me sick, even worst, I was too, at one point in time, one of them who did the same thing. The thing about this is, it really does take 2 years to finally see the other side of the fence. I'm just glad that I was able to finally see over to the other side. Question is, will I be able to cross that fence, and not just claim to have seen it?

I feel re-motivated lately. I honestly think it's all the things I just told you. The things that made me identify with the people I live with everyday. I see how they truly live. I see the honest hardship in their everyday trivial ways of living that makes me feel more motivated to fight for their right to have the things you and I take for granted each day.

So the next time you go wash your face and turn on the faucet and hot water runs out with joy, think of me, who had to boil water the other day to take a bath (our hot water boiler is broken and my host family does not have money to fix it) (or like the past three days when it mysteriously gets turned off). I had to bathe with only one pot of hot water. I gave up half way and said, "Screw it, I'm rinsing off with jaw clenching cold water". I made it happen and did I mention that was after one whole week of not bathing.

I know that sounds bad, but there are people in my village who don't even have running water, hot or cold and have to walk to get their water from a well.

Stuff like this makes me appreciate life, appreciate our ways of living and somehow even amongst the sadness of seeing how people live, I am happy. Happy to have been blessed.

To making things happen! I'm devoted from now on!

To Devotions in promoting CHANGE!!

Latest Art Development

2009-12-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

My Boogee

Late Autumn

Autumn Breeze

2009-10-13T04:33:00.000-07:00

Here we are already close to the middle of October. Autumn is definitely here. Moldova is so beautiful right now, the hills are covered with such a colorfully woven carpet of the inevitable change of the season. I love it! It's almost like Moldova came alive.

The last few months, I've come to the realization of how much at home I feel here. It involved taking time to being away on vacation for me to come back and feel the difference at how I adjusted to being back, to being accepted once again to my community, to how comfortable I became to the daily routines of every day encounters again.

It is funny how it took all this time to get where I am, and then once I'm here I have to think and prepare myself to leaving in just a few more months (6 months).

Change is very much a requirement for the functionality of Peace Corps' life.

Lately I've been looking at things here with a new pair of lens. To fully enjoying it as much as I can. The knowledge of leaving one day has made me appreciate the very littlest things. Mostly, the relationships I have with everything and everyone.

Another reason for this too, could be that I no longer possess a camera, for it is in the process of getting replaced. Just the mere act of having to write every experience to memory have changed how I experience things. I am able to enjoy it so much more.

When it comes to work progress, I can't say that I have much more activities than I had before, but the importances of every task has an added weight than it did before. Maybe it's because I know how it works, the inner workings of time and improvements, maybe I've finally gotten to the stage of acceptance of reality. Whatever it is, I feel like my everyday efforts add to the massive.

Like today for example, one hour of sitting with my grant writing partners to go through planning of activities for this project to repair the bathrooms at the high school was such a major success for my time here.

Today I was also invited to go present myself and about Peace Corps to the 6th graders. Through my awesome and improved language skills, I was fearless, and loved every minute of it. I love doing this stuff. Yes, I completed goal number 2 today!

With that said, I want to bring up something that a newer volunteer shared with me. Recently I was told that during another volunteer's research into coming to Peace Corps Moldova, my blog scared them into joining. My reply to that was, "I'm glad that you still decided to come, and as you can see I'm still here."

For those who are at that place within your decision to leap into the amazing journey that is Peace Corps, I just want to say, that yes, Peace Corps is hard, you will face many challenges, in which, you might never ever dream of encountering. However, Peace Corps is one opportunity in your life to break through to people's heart by immersing oneself into another country, it's culture and traditions and live as they do. It'll be your chance to do something for your country, to represent all that is great and not so great in America. To build a bridge of unity within human beings. To learn more about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and most of all, how far you can go.

Before I came to Moldova, throughout my research I didn't come across information that I now can say exposed me to the trueness of Peace Corps, and I know one experiences Peace Corps differently, but the challenges and struggles that volunteers go through was not elaborately expressed. Because of that, I believed I was not able to properly prepare myself for all that I would be facing.

I do hope that future readers of my experiences will not be discouraged to pursue Peace Corps. Better yet, I challenge you to make it your own, to get the most out of it, for there are so much there to absorb, to learn and to love.

To Golden Leaves and an Empty Office

2009-09-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't written in awhile, so much time has passed, and yet not so many new interesting dealings to report, or has it, maybe it's that I am so used those abnormal happenings that I'd forgotten that the me a year ago would completely appreciate such an experience. Thus today I am attempting to get back on this writing wagon and tune the rest of the world in what has been happening.

As I am typing this I am sitting outside on our wonderful electric green couch that looks like it traveled in time from the 60s that has a very classic Moldovan pink and maroon blanket covering it, with Julia, my cat sitting right by me.

Earlier I saw Julia bring Markisa, our kitten, a baby rat. I was in the middle of sweeping our front porch as she came up all proud that she had found such a prize winner for her baby. As Markisa head over to the rat and gnaw at it, I was standing there in place just observing her excitement in my own excitement at such a sight.

Now Markisa has given up on tossing the poor rat around and is asleep in her little bed and the rat is abondaned a few inches away from my feet by the couch. My host dad said that it is Markisa's and we will leave it there for her. For how long, I don't know, I just know that I am not bothered at this awkward feeling of disgust at a dead rat by my feet.

With all that has been going on, I would like to express my gratitude for summer. For fruit, and vegetables and even more than that, longer days and me, with a much happier deposition to keep on learning and busting it. July was just like how the Moldovans call it, like being in an oven. It was so hot, some days, just walking to work, which is just a few feet away from my house, would make me sweat. On the other hand, having longer days allowed me to have activities going on after work and allowed me to work on the mural and help out around the house on canning veggies and making compot for winter. As the summer is narrowing down, I am not sure how my feelings are on winter, however I do have a trip (to Rome) coming up that will take my mind away form the most depressive time of the year.

* * *

Here I am weeks later staring at this update. I am currently sitting in my now empty office, with bare walls and my social assistant missing. She has left on her 3 years maternity leave, thus has cleaned out all her belongings. What does this mean? It means that my days are very quiet. No longer filled with funny stories of newly wed life (she just got married) and baby awaiting stories. I do miss that.

As of now we still don't know who will be in her place. I surely hope that the next person will be as cool as she was and will be enthusiastic with helping me write up some grants or start some sort of project. Our current project to repair the high school's bathrooms is currently at a turning point, whether it's for the better or not, I'm not sure. My partners are busy with the school year starting up again and of course, the fact that I will be on vacation has helped bury that issue a bit. I am, however, looking forward to a new start once I get back.

For now, I am enjoying my time traveling around Moldova and hope to continue to visit other volunteers in the future to get a more comprehensive picture of the country.

On Saturday I caught a bus to Comrat, the capital of Gagauzia, which is an autonomous sourthern region of Moldova about an hour south of my village. People in Gagauzia are descendants of Turkey and Bulgaria and even have their own language, Gaguzian tho everyone speak Russian. Romanian is much understood there but very few actually know how to speak. It was such an experience, the moment I entered the city, all the signs and establishment are in Russian, and I felt as if though I'd left Moldova.

The reason for my visit was to visit one of my mentees, who has been there for one month in site, and is still settling down, though has been great learning Russian and finding work within her youth organization. I am so proud of her. She showed me the city, which is beautifully laid with paved roads and restaurants and big government buildings with a huge church and park with trash cans etc. I was blown away at how Western European the feel of the city was compared to what I am used to seeing in rest of the Moldova.

My mentee and I sat and talked for most of the days I was there and she ended up doing such a great job translating our conversations with her host mom who speaks no Romanian. I talked to her in romanian and some words she was able to make out, but she would reply in Russian. The history of how Moldova came to be is so interesting in how it divided up the people into these regions of separate identities of one's own culture and language.

There are only 4 more days until I get to be in the eternal city of Rome! I can't barely wait.

Signing out.

Director Aaron S. Williams greets the Peace Corps community after being sworn in on August 24, 2009.

2009-08-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

The Mural

2009-08-14T04:53:00.001-07:00

I finally finished the mural in my host mom's 6th grade classroom, just in time before the school year starts up again.

The theme was chosen by my host mom over many different books she used over the school year. The most interesting topic to me, is the one of Prometheus (top corner left), a Greek Myth where Zeus hid fire from humans in retribution of trickery and Prometheus gave fire back to the people, therefore was eternally punished and chained on top of a rock where an eagle ate his liver out everyday. However, due to Prometheus immortality his liver regenerated every morning.

According to my host mom, in which was also the reason why she chosed to have this on the mural is that Prometheus' liver ability to regenerate is from him committing to a good deed (giving the people back fire).

I am seriously glad the mural is done, a nice feeling it is. Now it is back to free time where I don't know what to do with myself.

If you can't be...

2009-07-23T23:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I came into work and the lady who is the typist for our Mayor's office came and asked if I can read in Romanian. I replied, "a little", and she handed me a religious book and her church's newspaper.

I take from this several things, first, she is comfortable with me enough (we have become quite great friends, I helped her set up an email account just the other day), and likes me enough to share that part of her life with me.

Second, that she believes in my language skills enough to give me reading material.

Third, I was taken back from it at the very beginning, feeling a little impinged upon.

Fourth, After reading some of the materials in the newspaper, I came to a realization that I don't have to necessarily believe in the same main element of the whole representation of the newspaper to get away from the great messages it has. Thus I came upon a poem that I love and want to share with you. I will try my best to translate it for you.

First the Romanian version...

Dacă nu poți fi

Dacă nu poți fi un pin în vârful dealului,
Fii un tufiș în vale. Fii însă
Cel mai bun tufiș de pe marginea pârâului;
Fii o tufă, dacă nu poți fi un copac.

Dacă nu poți fi un tufiș, fii un fir de iarbă,
Și un drum va fi fericit;
Dacă nu poți fi păstrăv, atunci fii un biban-
Dar cel mai vioi biban din tot lacul.

Nu putem fi toți căpitani, trebuie să fim echipaj,
E treabă pentru noi toți aici.
Sunt munci grele și munci ușoare,
Iar sarcina pe care o avem e chiar lângă noi.

Dacă nu poți fi drum, fii atunci o potecă,
Dacă nu poți fi soare, fii o steluță;
Nu prin mărime o să căștigi sau o să dai greș-
Fii cel mai bun în ceea ce esți!

Preluat din cartea „Lasă grijile, începe să trăiești”
de Dale Carnegie

Now the translation version (which I think takes away from it, but whatever):

If you can not be

If you can not be a pine on top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley. But be the
Best bush on the edge of the stream;
Be a bush if you can not be a tree.

If you can not be a bush, be a blade of grass,
And the road will be a happy one;
If you can not be a trouble, then be a bass -
But most of all be the snappiest bass in the lake.

We can not all be captains, but we can be crews,
Ther is work for all of us here.
There are hard work and easy work
And the task we have is right next to us.

If you can not be a road, then be a path,
If you can not be the sun, be a little star;
It is not by size, you win or you fail -
Be the best in what you are!

Peace Corps Channel on Youtube

2009-07-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/peacecorps

The Highlights of Normacly

2009-07-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you have a lot to say, but once it is said the magic of it goes away? Well, that is how I feel at times about the omnibus activities I find myself in. Rather than put it into a million pieces of explication by my part, I am going to give you the facts. Only the facts! Hai davai!

Yesterday I spent an hour of my lunchtime lugging onions from our garden into a bucket in the hot scalding sun to the lay out on the balcony of the old house.

A massive thunderstorm embarked upon our land yesterday, just as I started painting the mural at the school. While painting, I couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to escape the rain and the treacherous mud home. My host mom called and asked if I wanted her to come to the school so she can give me my boots. I said, no and then fell on my ass just as I was right at the gate to my house. I managed the rest of the 5 minutes walk before that just fine! Then I had to shower by candle light, because the lights went out. Luckily I had an hour left of battery life on my laptop so I could play spider solitare until I dozed off to sleep.

At work this morning, everyone is hyped about my social assistant's wedding. About half of the office were gone into the district center to buy flowers. I am super excited to bare witness to the ceremony later today at the church.

The janitor to my Mayor's office scared me while coming out of the door earlier today and now we've become friends and everytime he passes by my office he smiles.

Earlier today, a man I never met before walked into my office, as I have my door open and sat down while talking on the phone in Russian, without introducing himself, sat and talked on the phone while he sat and stared at me working. Then after 10 minutes he got up and left without another word, though with a gruesome glance. Weird!

It finally dawned on me that the more I see myself as being an open person, a person who excepts people as they are, the more I realize that I can't possibly be all that I think I am. There are still concepts that gets underneath my skin. Tugs at my heart. Makes me wonder, if being an open person is a praise worthy cause, if it means you give up your identity as a whole? Something to ponder over.

The other day my host parents' grandniece came over with her American friend from Alabama. She's been studying abroad there for two years and had just graduated. I sat and talked to her about issues concerning the mentality of Moldovans youth and how complicated it is, especially in rural areas to get motivation in community projects, if all they think about is leaving. I also got to see through her American friend's eyes how Moldova is like, for he just arrived and is his first trip out of America.

I want to talk about connectedness. The overall essence of a family here, especially the very apporiate ones are absolutely a tight knit one. My host mom talks to her children at least three or four times a day. She knows what is going on with them, heart and motivation.

In America, you would be lucky if I'd talked to my parents once in a week. It is rather common to be out of the house and have cut that tie. On the flip side, this builds indepedence. Good or bad, I learned early that I was on my own, though till this day I yearn to be that close to my loved ones. Making that attempt and having it be accepted from the other end is the question I guess.

At least for the most part I am getting that close tie with my host parents. Via their questions, which I took as over bearing in the beginning, has grown on me and have helped me become dependent for their concern and worries. Maybe this little taste of the otherside of love and caring will change how I raise my children. Maybe?

What is the downlow for this weekend: I have this wedding today, tomorrow a trip to the north to visit a fellow volunteer for a girl's day picnic. Fun Times!

My weekend project: "The Red Bucket"

2009-07-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

Result from Online Poll on Peace Corps Connect

2009-07-06T00:28:00.001-07:00

I am surprised at first to find out that language and technical skills are so low, but it does makes sense that being resourceful and flexible are a more needed trait to have in order to be successful.

My Success Story

2009-07-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

I believe that every volunteer have their own success story to tell about their service in the Peace Corps. I also think that no matter how small a volunteer's achievements may be, they all add up to fulfill the 3 very essential goals of Peace Corps.

Here I will reflect upon some of my successes and will come back to it, once I become aware of them as days come to be.

This is my Success Story

Me over coming the normal things that I wouldn't do or thought I couldn't do to do the things I do.

Clarifying the image of America to my host country nationals. Even by answering a simple question such as, "Does it snow in America?" to a 2nd grade classroom or a much more complex one, such as, "What do America believe in?"

Being able to finally tell my first story at the dinner table to my host family in complete Romanian.

Eating that chicken heart I found in my soup, since it was a delicacy my host mom prepared without thinking heaving thoughts.

Coming out of a tough meeting, with frustrations, but feeling like, at least now my work partners know what to expect from me.

Doing an impromptu presentation on everything about Buddhism to a 3rd grade classroom.

Learning all the skills I have been trained necessary to do my job.

Successfully building a network with another organization that can help build relationship among my oranization in working together to reach the same goals.

Feeling comfortable to be me no matter how akward the situation is.

Speaking to myself in another language.

Super Powers

2009-06-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

I have those...some days I am super at having an array of them
today not so much...powers of invisibility.

Intense and none transparent
Not really sure how to proceed...abilities are construed in silence and darkness

Today I feel powerless, nonessential, nonimpactful
Am I cut out for this day to day translation?
Patience, and endurance the everyday snacks I munch on

You know that aura of self doubt
Awkwardness of being stuck in a rotating vortex of a circle
Mundaneness of ordinarily routines that is placid

I yearn for that adventure, in which, embarked by collaboration
and understanding and world peace
Of which, I anticipated upon arrival and still do

So You Wanna Join the Peace Corps....

2009-06-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon a site today that I thought would be very useful for those who are pondering about entering into an adventure of there lives...Here are some great info from this site.

"Ahhhhh, the Peace Corps. Meandering through a rural village in an exotic place where no one speaks your language. Palm trees and romantic monsoons. Elephants and water buffaloes lumbering past your front porch. Grass huts and smiling children looking up at you adoringly.

These are probably the stereotypical images that come to your mind when you think of the Peace Corps. Well here's a reality check: what appears to be adoration in those children's eyes may simply be a look of amusement, as in, "Who's that freak with the ugly sandals?" Also, there's as much chance that you'll find yourself in the urban center of Kazakhstan as in a grass hut in Fiji. Two potentially equally rewarding, but vastly differing environments.

The reality is that each Peace Corps volunteer's experience varies greatly from every other's, and your best bet is to simply get rid of any and all preconceived notions of how life in the Corps will be. If you have little or no tolerance for uncertainty, stop reading now. The Peace Corps is not for you.

What is the Peace Corps?

Basically, joining the Peace Corps means that you'll go to a foreign country (where English may not be spoken) and do some kind of service there at the request of its government. Whether it's teaching, or helping sick children, or working with the government on cleaning up an urban city, it's probably not going to be the kind of work we usually think of as "glamorous."

The world has changed since John F. Kennedy founded the Peace Corps in 1961. Although many volunteers still live and work in rural villages, and haul their drinking water from a nearby river, it is now just as common to find a volunteer giving computer training to university staff in a city and going home at night to electricity and running water.

What hasn't changed is the fact that joining the Peace Corps is a JOB, and volunteers still work, teach, and learn while completely immersed in another culture for two years (that's approximately 730 days, for those of you scoring at home). They have the chance to participate in a professional and cultural exchange that can have life-long educational benefits for all parties involved. Volunteers have the opportunity to prove that Americans' lives are not identical to those of the characters on Beverly Hills, 90210. Likewise, the country's citizens can prove that there's more to a country than what you see on CNN.

This SYW will present the logistics of how to apply to join the Peace Corps, what to expect and what not to expect, and perhaps debunk some Peace Corps myths. For instance, no, not all volunteers know how to sing "Kumbayah," and yes, many Republicans do join and love the experience. It also may be helpful to know that the age range of volunteers is 18 to 65. Seven thousand volunteers currently serve in 78 countries around the world, with the largest numbers in the fields of education and health, followed closely by environment and business. Facts like these are just begging to appear on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

1. EVALUATE YOUR SITUATION

2. APPLY CORRECTLY

3. PACK APPROPRIATELY

4. STICK WITH IT

Yes, we've continually repeated the importance of commitment when joining the Peace Corps. There are definitely going to be some difficult times. There will be days when the hours just crawl by and you will ask yourself what the hell you are doing there. You will ponder the meaning of life and question the significance of your presence in this world. This is when you have to suck it up and play down the drama. After all, these are also common musings during coffee breaks at work in the U.S., right? In such dire times, also remember that you're pretty much a guest of the government just visiting. Most of the people live there year-round. So stop your bitching.

Yes, there will also be many, many times when you look around and are thoroughly amazed and excited at where you are and what you are doing. This may be a less likely stateside coffee break musing - unless it's damn good coffee.

The Peace Corps does an excellent job of providing a strong in-country support system, addressing both your physical and psychological needs. You'll have access to good health care and a library of resource materials that can be of great professional help. The network of support you will depend on the most will probably be the group of other volunteers in the country who are sharing your experience. Be friendly and talk to them. You're all in it together. It is VERY unlikely that you will be dropped in the middle of a desert completely alone with no other volunteers within a 2,000 mile radius.

If, nay, WHEN you do decide to join the Peace Corps, you can be assured it will be a life-changing experience. There is one statement that many a returned volunteer will readily confirm that has become a motto of the Peace Corps: it is indeed "the toughest job you'll ever love."

To read info for #1-#3 go here

Trying to make sense of things

2009-06-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

Moldovan government is still trying to find their new President. Last night, my host family had a very interesting conversation, where I had a really tough time trying to wrap my head around.

In the midst of great corn mush, with homemade goat cheese, and grilled fish in tomatoes sauce, the conversation over dinner was heated. Everyone had a thing or two to say about the current political situation, besides me, really.

There were shouting of one another that a person's opinion is allowed and though we are a family, we can have different opinions. Then someone said that they wished Japan would invade Moldova, to colonize it, because Japan is a rich country. Then there were talk that if one were to become president that they would declare war on America and then when America's soldiers arrived, they would act helpless and have America take care of them.

The concept behind all of this is ridiculous to me, really. I don't really know what to think or how to react, thus I remained quiet at the table. Somehow I can understand that the morale's for one's own government is down and the never end search for an outsider's help is needed. However, I don't ever think that I would want my country to be colonized and taken over by another's empire. But then again, I am not Moldovan. I can't possibly know the depths of what it's like to be Moldovan, ever.

This want to be colonized talk makes me ponder, and that paralleled with the talk of not going in to vote this next time around, because "why should the citizens vote, if Parliament couldn't do so in the decision of getting Moldova a president?" question is still a defensive reply I get.

Another puzzling situation, yet another subject altogether:

I was in tutoring earlier today. She asked me how is work? I replied that I am in the process of planning a Project Strategic Planning seminar for my Mayor's office, and I will invite two volunteers to help me with it. Her sudden reply was, "You really want to do a project before you leave, huh?"

That totally caught me off guard. Am I hear for my own ego, or am I here to help? Shouldn't her reply be, "We should get all your help before you leave, huh?" But that was not the case. This has put me in my place, yet again.

My reply was that my goal in being here is not to finish a project before I leave, it is to be better prepare, equip the Mayor's office and my village with resources for better development in the future.

That sounds awefully broad doesn't it, but that is what I am here to do. I am not going to beat myself upside the head everytime when my very ambitious thought in trying something fails.

I need to remember that it first need to come from my community, as a need, a want, a desire to work with me to get to those places. There needs to be an cooperation, a collaboration.

Lucky me, I have a list of the keys to a successful collaboration with me. I am going to list those things, so I can make sense of all of this:

Keys to successful collaboration

Take time to understand each other

Not every person has grant writing/project development experience

Every volunteer and every parnter has a different set of skills. Find out each other's strengths and weaknesses and build from there.

Agree on expectations that you have from each other.

Make lists of tasks and assign responsibilities.

Share responsibilities.

Create a work schedule.

Agree on times when you work together and keep to them.

Notify each other of any changes.

Does the organization that is applying for funding have the capacity to implement the project?

If not, work with the parnter to build the capacities of the organization so that future projects will be attainable.

Work together to train implementation team.

Be open to each other's opinions and ideas.

Be realistic about the project.

Be flexible.

A change of course is not necessarily negative, but it is important to discuss it.

In conclusion, this is a contract that involves two different sides to be in agreement to work together. I have my side, ready and charged...so now let's go!

The best thing happened today: My Mayor and I actually sat down for over 20 minutes looking over a funding website and wrote an email and made phone calls together. Now that is progress!! Yeah!

Signing out!

Lose Yourself to Gain Some

2009-06-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

I know this is far gone from a normal blog update lately, however today I am committed to try and let you in on what is going on.

As I am sitting here in my yet again empty office with nothing else to do, except entertain my lack of amusement, here is my attempt to dig deep:

After a strenuous Taebo abs boot camp workout last night, the big bulky Billy Blanks said during one of his encouraging pep talk:

"Remember, in the military you gotta lose yourself to gain some."

Then he went on, in a rather lousy attempt to explain himself, only to continue to say something along this line:

"Getting into an exercise program, sometimes you can't do it by yourself, if you ever want to give up, you'll quit. You have to lose who you are as a person. What do I mean by that? I mean you CAN DO IT, but you can't do it unless you lose yourself! If you lose yourself, you'll reach your goals!"

Ok, I do this exercise video perhaps twice a week and a continuously I hear his "so called" pep talk. It wasn't until lately that I took what he said to thought. It makes me wonder if he is referring to the ideals that with anything there has to be a support factor, thus in his point of view, "buy my video so we can do it together!"

Or is he referring to the fact, that within all endeavors, that are strenuous (which I do admit, his workout video kicks my ass every time), require a form of reestablishing the basic foundation that you once thought structured your fundamental self identity as a person?

Then it makes me think of how this could pertain to my service here in Moldova. I can't exactly call life here strenuous, but sometimes life here (for me) is vigorously tiring. More so my first year. The constant thinking and evaluating and comprehending did do my brain its own workout session. Even now, the balancing act of knowing what is acceptable in another culture is still a workout, I have to force myself into, and mostly I tumble upon the knowledge via mistakes. But that is okay, I am learning.

Therefore, I think Billy Zane is right, in whatever terms or level he was referring to, I take away from his message that I sometimes need to leave my standards, my expectations, my rules and regulations that I once thought were so black and white, my roles in society, my definition of all that stands for justice, my out look at how the world function, behind me. I do need to lose myself. All that I once knew, to relearn and be open to what is, most times redefining my perspectives.

A couple of days ago, I reread a journal entry from exactly last year this month, and I realized how much I've made a turn around. I am not by any means, a different person, I am still the same me. I am, though, a better person. That I can say for sure.

In my last journal entry I wrote elaborately about my personal growth. I complain heavily sometimes about not seeing the impact in my service here. I forget to look inside and see the personal developments, in which I've gained. It's okay that I came here to give, but ended up coming out of it more selfish in that Moldova, Peace Corps, Moldovans, my Moldovan life gave more than I can give it. That is ok. So ok.

My 1st Moldovan Wedding

2009-05-24T03:59:00.000-07:00

My friend Olga had her wedding recently. It was my very first Moldovan wedding! I had a blast experiencing the traditions and customs.

Here is a break down of the events:

At 3 pm we arrived in north of Moldova to Mihaileni (4 hours drive from my village) after a masa at the bride's house. When we got to Mihaileni we were received by an array of guests and a marching band (coolest thing ever). Then we went to the Mayor's office to see them get registered.

Then we paraded over to the restaurant and started with the Hora right away. Then another, and another and 6 hours later, we were still dancing the Hora. This took place outside, without any chairs for resting purposes, but occasional wine shots to get energized again.

Here are some Hora dances:

The best part was when the villagers came out to celebrate as well. They brought their dinner and stood with their family and observed the festivities.

At 10pm we went inside and sat at the masa as the bride and groom's family danced around us. Then later there were a lot of gift exchange between the two families.

Here is a traditional dance with knotted bread to open up the gift exchange.

The celebration ended at 4am for us and then another 4 hours down south back home. I had a great time and so much fun. My feet were not so happy, however.

Here is me with the bride and groom.

Critical Periods in the Life of a Peace Corps volunteer

2009-05-14T01:58:00.000-07:00

I had some down time today to clean out all my papers, manuals and books today since my social assistant borrowed my laptop. I figured, If there isn't anything to do, what is better than to clean right?

Well I ended up finding a piece of paper that shows all the stages that a Peace Corps volunteer goes through, which made me think...a lot about what the stages I've gone through and what I am going through now.

I think the most important thing for me to remember is that I am going through what is the norm. I am not alone! I am so normal...how much I hate to be so NORMAL at times, however, right now it is almost soothing to know this.

So I don't have time to post all the stages, but maybe I will one day so you can know what the ups and downs are like for volunteers, but today I'll share with you the stages I am at right now....

Month 7-10

Issues
Mid-service crisis
Doubt about program, role, self, government
Various Failures over time
Reflection: disillusionment, confusion in resolving frustrations vs. victories
New trainees arrive (June 11)
Holiday/vacation/break (Rome)

Behavior/ReactionImpatience with self, program, system
Blame on the program
Constant complaining
Lethargy

Interventions
Holiday planning/Mini-vacations
Review work plan; set new goals
Plan vacation
Celebrate one year anniversary
Develop new recreation options
Write long-lost acquaintances
Explore better in-country relationships
Return to language study and practice

Month 16-20

Issues
Increased/more defined work pace(still in waiting)
Project work (yet again, still in waiting)
Awareness of time constraints
Realization of own limitations
Post PC considerations

Behavior/Reaction
Hyperactivity or apathy
Procrastination
Self-recrimination
Resignation
Disappointment
Downgrade achievements
Over-identification in behavior

Interventions
Visit new volunteers
Physical acitivity: "Get in shape"
Focus on relationships at site
Re-examine goals and time frame
Apply for GRE, write grad schools (check)
Explore work possibilities locally or in-country

Zuia Mamelor!!

2009-05-12T01:57:00.001-07:00

To celebrate Mother's Day I bought champagne and a box of chocolates, my host mom prepared an excellent dish of baked curry chicken and potatoes (yummmm) and we had a masa to honor all Mothers.

We sat outside and had a beautiful meal.

Host dad pouring the champagne!

Here we made a toast to all mothers and wishes of great health and love.

Hramului Gura Galbenei

2009-05-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hram took place in Gura Galbenei on May 6th to celebrate when my village got settled, also representing when the Orthodox church in the village was built on St. Gheorghe's day. Among different activities, such as, a concert displaying Moldovan traditions, a wrestling match and other sport competitions for a prize of a roster, a goat or a turkey, there was also the dancing!

Here are some pictures I have to share:

In Moldova, where there is Hram there is a Hora dance!!! Here, it took place in the center of our village. It was great to see so many people come out and about to celebrate our Village's Birthday. It made me realize how big my village really is.

This gentleman is walking over to invite his wife to dance.

Here they are heading towards the dance floor.

Jamie (left) and Teresa (right) came out to celebrate Hram with us! My host mom is in the process of cutting into her wonderfully made chicken liver baked cake.

Here is the infamous liver cake!! It was very delicious!

Easter of the Dead

2009-05-05T04:47:00.001-07:00

On our way to the cemetery packed full of people. My host brother is the one carrying a bucket full of tulips and host cousin is carrying the basket full of goodies to the right.

Once we got there we provided our offerings of knotted bread, candles and good treats. Everything is arranged in little grouped together gifts, for towards the end of the day we'll give them away as gifts to relatives. I came out with a beautiful apron, a lilac coffee mug, and tons of treats!

This is my host aunt. The best part about this holiday for me is to get to meet all of my host family's relatives, sit at a masa and eat and drink all day in the sun!

I love how colorful everything is. It is such a beautiful tradition.

Posing with the family.

What is in the mysterious baskets?? See for yourselves...the red eggs are great, you get to knock it open with another person and make wishes for well being and lots of happiness. Also, rub it against your cheeks for all kinds of great wishes to come true.

This is my host grandpa's grave.

This one is my favorite picture. On the table are the beautiful knotted bread, made especially for Easter, all offered to Jesus Christ.

Easter Madness

2009-04-21T00:26:00.001-07:00

I had the best 4 days of Easter holiday ever. The madness started on Friday after a medical midterm exam in Chisinau, where though I enjoyed a hot shower, some time chatting with other volunteers in the lounge, it was the worst traveling day ever. Everyone was in a hurry to go to the villages to visit their loved ones for Easter. I ended up waiting for a full 2 hours to get on a bus home and I also had to pay an extra 10 lei since the buses were taking advantage of the high traffic volume.

Saturday my host sister and brother came to visit and we pretty much spent all day cooking, cleaning and preparing for our big Masa. Sunday morning I ditched out on going to church at 4 am to get our food blessed, simply because it's 4 am. Though when I woke up I washed my face with holy water with money and two red eggs emerged in it. I then rubbed two eggs against my cheeks and made a wish. Then it was on for a day of eating. We went over to relatives' houses and sat and drink and ate all day long.

On Monday, we went over to my Mayor's house for a masa. I was taken away by how pretty the table was with the over flowing amount of food and drinks.

Throughout the whole 4 hours of sitting and eating and talking, I noticed something different about the dynamic of the conversation. No matter how many times my Mayor kept on saying, "Let's not talk about politics," the conversation kept on going back to it. It was very interesting to hear everyone's side of the story.

After the big meal, we ventured outside to capture the beautiful spring weather.

Zuia Ecologiei

2009-04-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

We had a cleaning day in Gura Galbenei. Everyone at the school came out and picked up trash.

Ziarului Școlar

2009-04-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

Here Presents an article about Me and Peace Corps in the school newspaper that I wrote (I got some proofreading help!). In the article I talked about what I came to do in Moldova, what are my roles in the village and a little background about me. Enjoy!

A New Beginning

2009-04-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

The elections are over and my Mayor is back to work!! Last week I walked into his office to catch up. I tried to reach some leveling grounds, as to who is actually on board on this road project, when will we meet next, how we will approach this time around? I gave him two more potential donors, emphasizing that they are community orientated and we should have a general town meeting, or at least get a survey of some sort to reflect that this is what the community wants, and that they are committed to helping in this project.

After 20 minutes of drinking tea and discussing, I came out of the meeting with some tentative answers, such as: "We'll meet sometime next week, we'll go into Chisinau sometime next week to talk to one of the donors, we'll do it."

So here is to a new beginning, I'm excited to be on the wagon again.

Taking Inventory

2009-04-07T01:17:00.000-07:00

After my big attempt to clean up our road, I got inspired to take inventory of the live animals I have around me.

Say Hello to our dogs. They are always alert and protective of the house.They still barks at me when I come home, I am taking it as they are saying hello. Maybe another year, they'll get used to me. Sometimes I wish I can let them run free, but here their function is to alert us of on comers. Still, I have a secret wish to take them out for a walk or a good run. That would be wonderful!

The baby bunnies...We have 16!

The baby chicks...25 or so of them.

The buzzing busy bees now excited it's spring, collecting pollen.

I do have to say, that once the sun is at a more constant shinning rate, I am a lot happier and more appreciative of the new life forms developing all around me.

Spring Cleaning

2009-04-07T00:52:00.000-07:00

After work yesterday, I came home feeling all coped up from being inside in the office and wanted to do something outside, to be in the great sun. I decided while walking home that I will put on some gloves and hit the streets to pick up trash. I've been wanting to do so in a very long time. Compared to other villages I've been to in Moldova, I think Gura Galbenei is relatively clean, however there are still a lot of trash everywhere! I've talked with a lot of people about organizing a local clean up day, and everyone says there is already a day dedicated for that, but no one has ever given me a concrete answer as to when or how it's organized.

Well, after work I walked outside with my gloves ready. My host dad asked me where I was going, looking at me strangely. I told him, "I'm going to go pick up trash." At this, he blurted out laughing. He said that I can't do that. People would think I'm insane, even made a joke about a local lady who normally walks around talking to her nonexistence phone, is normally the one who picks up the trash. I got caught off guard. Really? Is it such an abnormal thing for someone to pick up trash? Why and how did that stereotype get placed? Now I know why the trash stays put, because no one wants to take on the responsibility to do anything about it. I held my ground, I told him, it's not such a crazy idea, I'm just going to be on our road, and besides I'm doing an ecological good deed. Finally he gave way, though he insisted that I restrain to just around our house.

This is such a WEIRD concept to me. Is it because I'm a lady and ladies do not steep themselves to that level of picking trash? Then how could they have ecological day where supposedly everyone goes out to clean the village, like everyone has told me? What is going on?

Towards the end of the evening I'd picked up a big bag full of trash and while doing so, several things happened: Several children passed by and contributed trash to my bag, one even kicked the trash all the way up the road to add it to my bag, and an old lady stopped to asked me what I was doing, once I told her, she came over to literally kiss me on the cheek!! OK, now I really don't know what is going on here?

My question then, why is it such a weird idea for me to go pick up trash when the people I encountered are very accepting of it? Is it one of those secretive deed that everyone have to pretend they have this prejudice towards, but wishes it gets done?

Wait, I think I might have an answer to that. When I was done and came back with my imploded bag, my host dad asked me, "So now what are you going to do with it?" I said I don't know, I was going to ask you the same thing. He then laughed again. He finally said that he will burn it.

In conclusion, I think the problem is not in the fact that it's a strange concept of picking up trash, but they really don't have anywhere to put it, besides burning, and that includes everything, plastic, styrofoam...things that are really bad for the environment to burn. There is another choice, it is to take it to the village dump, which is literally located on the other end of the village. No one without a car, or even with a car will go all the way to other end having to trudge through the lame roads. It's literally a hassle.

Here is how bad the trash pile up can get.

Here is my host dad burning my collected trash.

Testing, Hello Testing

2009-04-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

I really feel like everything that is happening today is a test call for me to see how much endurance I can take. I am very touchy today, the sounds of people, me, myself, everything is really getting to me. I need a vacation from myself. I don't know what it is.

I am disconnected...not that person I wanted to be.
I am useless...not being used.
I am done...done with the same things over and over again.
I should be better at taking criticisms.
I need to have more trust in my own abilities to not let that kind of stuff get to me.
I need to not care about what other thinks, then I care that I don't care. Can I get away from that?
I need to hold others at the same level of expectations, and then know that it's not my fault.
Or maybe I need not have any expectations at all...maybe that is the answer.
Maybe I need not compare myself, my own situations with others.
Maybe I need to trust.
Somehow, I need to get over this ugly nasty funk, that I am in.
Who needs confirmation? It is not I...Or is it?

Testing...be done with it already. For the love of all things beautiful.

Starkling Contrast

2009-03-31T05:11:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning happy to see "Seattle" weather upon Gura Galbenei. It was pouring down rain with tons of wondrous clouds!! I loved it. A couple of months ago, this type of weather would have made me sad all day! It somehow doesn't have the same effect on me, anymore. I feel at home today! Yes!

Elections will be held this Sunday. I was invited to go to the Casa de Cultural to see how the voting process works, I had to decline, due to the fact that I am not suppose to be seen around any election activities. I am, however, in anticipation, who knows what kind of activities the result could contour up. I hope for a peaceful process and however, takes the lead, that they will help bring Moldova into a new era of development.

My host parents are still in the debate as to who they will vote for. It is a complicated process they have here, part of it is because they don't know who will be president. Right now they are only voting for the political party (28) that are running, and then based on the votes this April 5th, the results will decide how many candidates get to go into parliament and then the parties who will have the most votes, or jointed votes from other parties who do not have enough votes get to elect one person to be the President.

We will see how it turns out. It is already Tuesday, I can't believe how days are going by so fast. Yesterday I went over to Olga's and Liliana's house and we did Taebo together. It was a lot of fun. Here is to another day!

Limbo

2009-03-27T01:51:00.000-07:00

I am stuck, in my daily routines, nothing is no longer changing. I think it's hilarious how "out of it" I feel, then I remember how I complained so much before about how "tuned in" I was. About how much I think, how much I have to concentrate with the language, the surroundings, the constant changing of my emotions.

Well, now I am stuck in Limbo. I am neither there or here. I feel a bit numb, maybe that is how one should be feeling about this time into service, you know how you actually feel settled and nothing really surprises you anymore. The most bizarre things or rather behavior, that once I got caught off guard with, such as, finding a chicken heart in my soup, having people drink directly from the jar of pickles that the whole table shares, the peeing in the hole in the outhouse, the strange stares or questions that comes my way. Those things, effected me, in so many ways, good or bad, they effected me before.

Now, it's a rather different feeling, actually it's not a feeling at all, it's life. It's just how it IS. I go by with my day without thinking twice about it, but somehow, I miss those days when I have something going on, some connection to something. The numbness is getting to me. The question then arises, "Am I bored? Bored of the regularities?" Maybe, but that doesn't that mean it's bad? I am stable. I am not "up and down", the "walking and talking or non-talking bipolar dilemma case" anymore. I haven't cried myself to sleep in awhile. I have a routine that I've grown used to. I am living and not just analyzing. I'll take what I can get, right?

A Nice Visit

2009-03-23T02:12:00.000-07:00

David and Jamie came to visit me in my village yesterday. I had the opportunity to see my village through their eyes, as they took pictures after pictures of it. I guess being here day to day for over a year, takes the magic that I once used to have for my home away, that I once used to have.

After visiting with them and sharing some cognac shots and some mixed with coffee (an experiment), we reminisced about old times, such as, what kind of furniture we sold before leaving home, experiences, and funny stories from the last year, and new plans for during the rest of our time in Moldova and after. I am glad they made an impromptu visit, I surely needed it!

A Gentle Reminder

2009-03-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received an email sent to me from Cross-Cultural Solutions, an International volunteer program I'd looked up before joining Peace Corps. In reading their thesis of persuasion in asking people to join their program, it made me realize somethings about already being abroad and doing particularly the exact job they are talking about. To be honest, I do get immerse in my own day to day routines and frustrations, and from not being able to see results (what ever those might be) immediately, I get discouraged about my presence in Moldova.

I know a lot of volunteers feel this from time to time, that we are not needed here, projects are hard to come by, host country nationals are not as eager as you thought they would be in working with you, or even the fact that you up rooted your life, to do nothing for 2 years (or you think it's nothing), but the truth to the matter is:

We MATTER! We are NEEDED! We are making a DIFFERENCE, no matter how small those little changes are, we are doing SOMETHING.

Below is an excerpt from the email:

"The world is facing challenging times and our leaders are asking for your help—calling for us to take action. There is a growing need for mutual understanding between people of all nations to bridge the gap between cultures, take control of our collective destiny, and gain a sense of our shared humanity and purpose. And today, understanding the perspectives of people overseas is a critical first step.

As we enter this "new era of responsibility," it's an exciting time to get involved and make a difference. International volunteers are ambassadors of change who represent hope, goodwill, and a commitment to valuing cultures different from their own. International volunteers reflect a new type of leadership—global citizenship. You can join this movement. You're needed now, more than ever."

Thank you, Cross-Cultural Solutions for this reminder to millions of volunteers that WE already ARE the "AMBASSADORS OF CHANGE".

Obama on "The Tonight Show"

2009-03-20T04:59:00.000-07:00

Youth Seminar = Success!!!

2009-03-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

There were some misunderstandings, but that all comes with the job! Around 20, 9th-12th graders showed up. The Seminar was on leadership, they had a discussion group about what it means to be a leader and then they went through some activities. At the beginning some students left, by the end around 14 remained.

By the end, they were so interested in the NGO, activities for teenagers and wanted further information. In my eyes it was a success! I was the middle person, the resource! I believe that is one of my role in being here.

I am tired and oh guess what, I also taught a class of English for Olga with the 2nd graders today. She came to me last minute, that she has to go to the doctors and if I can teach the class. I was caught off guard, I'm am not all all qualified to teach! But what was I suppose to say...well I guess I can say a lot of things. Instead, I asked her what does she want me to teach, she said, they are learning how to sing the ABCs. I was like, well that's not too hard...I can do that! So I sang the ABCs with the 2nd graders for 45 minutes today! I also broke it up and had them write the ABCs on the board, I think it was a major big deal, cause they don't get to write ever on the board, I didn't know that until they made a big fuss about it once I asked them to.

What is even more interesting is that the ABC song they have in their text book is completely different than the one we learn in school. So I taught them the one I know...Oh, another weird observation, I took a look in their books and under each alphabet there is a word for the letter, such as, A for apples. Guess what they have for X....Xmas!! Serious! I busted out laughing and the children all looked at me with weird stares. I let it go and told them that X can be for X-ray.

Well, I have one more hour of work, which is code for existing in my chair for another hour. I am satisfied with today. I am, really am!

The Youth Seminar

2009-03-17T03:14:00.000-07:00

It is scheduled for tomorrow. I talked to the Assistant Director today and she hasn't even announced it to the students yet, and even asked if the NGO I invited to come present tomorrow are even coming!! I don't have a great feeling about this, I would totally be embarrassed if they show up and no students come.

The presenters are coming all the way from Chisinau (and hour and a half away) by bus, and even on a weekday, because my Director said the students won't show up on a weekend. They are committing, and here I am not at all sure if this will happen. I am literally worried, I guess this is what happens when things are not in my full control. I am learning to let it go and trust that it will all fall into place!

Please all cross fingers for me and let it fall into place!

My schedule

2009-03-12T01:39:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of questions on what I do on a daily basis as a Community and Organizational Development (COD) Peace Corps volunteer in Moldova. To give you a clear cut example of what I do on a daily basis, here it is:

7:30 AM
My eyes open as I curse myself back to sleep

8:00 AM
Alarm goes off, I push snooze

8:30 AM
I threaten myself to get out of bed, wash up and get dress

8:45 AM
Find my cup of coffee my host mom made for me every morning, and enter the casa mica to have breakfast, in which my host dad prepared for me (I know I'm spoiled)

9:00 AM
I go into work (5 mins walk): at work I get online if there is internet, make copies when people come in for them, work on my grant list, or answer emails. Prepare for Romanian lessons, if I was given homework.

11:00 AM
Everyday except for Thursday, I go to the school (10 mins walk) for my Romanian lessons

12:00 PM
I go home for my lunch break and sit in the sun if it's out, read or watch EuroNews or CNN on our satelite dish, if I don't get internet access at work, I connect at home at this time via our phone line if no one needs to use the phone and tolerate dial up frustrations.

1:00 PM
Monday-English Club with the 12 graders & Wednesday-English tutoring with a 6th grader

2:00 -5:00 PM
I go back to Primaria (Mayor's office) and do more internet serfing if there is internet, if there isn't, I work on translating the info in which I gathered for my grant list into Romanian. I read info, in which I downloaded off line, usually about NGO in Moldova, what type of activities they have going on. I prepare for English clubs and make more lists of things I would want to do. During this time more xeroxing takes place and sometimes people ask me to type up documents for them.

3:00 PM
We used to have this time scheduled every Wednesdays to discuss the Road Repairing project-however, we haven't done so in awhile

4:00 PM
Monday and Friday-visit the Art club and spend time with the children

5:00 PM
Tuesday and Thursday-Computer lessons for people at my Primaria at the school's computer lab

Monday and Wednesday-Taebo and Yoga, or if it's nice out I take a walk around my village and sometimes get invited in for tea at people's houses. Or If I don't feel like exercising, I go over and visit Olga and Liliana.

6:00 PM
Freetime: usually spent writing or listening to music or watching something, or painting

7:00 PM
Dinner with my host family

8:00 PM
Free time until 11 or 12 when I go to bed, which lately I've been spending either reading the Twilight series or watching Battlestar Galactica (I'm on the 4th season btw)!

That is my day in a nut shell, basically I go back and forth from the school and the Primaria. What I do love about my schedule is it's up to me, unlike other volunteers in English or Health teaching programs. This was definitely something hard to get used to, before when I didn't know where I should be spending my time when I first got into site. Now that I've developed a rountine for mysef I've grown to love this flexibility.

"Weekend Cu Coada"

2009-03-11T01:18:00.000-07:00

Having finally made a full calendar run around here in Moldova, there is one thing that I can not help but take note of the fact that Moldovans have a very long list of celebrations. I am not kidding, there seem to be something or other just around the corner and without a doubt an opportunity to gather and party.

This is including all Saints day, which we all know, well now I know, there are around 1000 saints or something. I also inherited a saints day, since I am known as Irina (pronounced Erena in English), whenever that day comes around I would be counted upon to throw a party (masă) for my friends. Then do it again on my birthday.

Moldovans celebrate International Women's Day (though not that international, because the States do not celebrate it) and International Children's Day (again we don't). They also celebrate thier Independence Day, Language Day (where Romanian was made the offical country language), Men's Day (or rather Soviet Union Vetern's Day), not to mention Christmas (according to the new and old calendar), and New Years (same thing, according to the old and new calendar).

Then there's the big celebration, which is creeping up soon. Easter! On Easter Eve, Moldovans go to church until 4 am to get their food blessed, then again the next day for Easter Day service. Then there is Easter of the Dead following two weeks later in April, where they all gather at the cemetry and get blessing for family members.

I feel like with all the birthday parties along with all the other celebrations, I spend so much time at a Masă. when my work put on a masă for the females in the office for Women's Day on March 8, I was literally sitting at the table eating and drinking for 5 hours straight!! You have to understand, that is a lot of interrupted Romanian, my friend!

Okay, with that said, I've been rubbing off on my host parents with English words and sayings. They know perfectly well what "OKAY" means, I didn't realize that I say that word as much it is brought to my attention here. They also know words, such as, "training" and lastly, "weekend". I laughed so hard when my host dad started to say it. So there is a saying that he loves to say when it comes to how much Moldovans celebrate. He calls it "Weekend cu coada", which means "weekend with a tail" From now on when I try to explain to them that I have to go into Chișinău for the weekend, he'll undoubtedly say his saying and crack himself up. I love it.

My M22 Award!

2009-03-10T00:33:00.002-07:00

When we had our 1 year Anniversary dinner in Chișinău, everyone were granted a memorable award in being a righteous member of M22 Peace Corps Moldova. This was my award.

Normalcy

2009-03-10T00:33:00.001-07:00

Reporting from my room, drinking tea with honey, munching on sunflower seeds and watching a Russian music concourse, feeling content about my Moldovan life.

You wanna know something great? In my room I have my own TV where the satellite is hooked up to, but I have to watch whatever my host family have it tuned to on their big TV in their room. So here I am watching Russian TV, the channel and volume changes on it's own. It's so awesome! I don't have to find my remote when the annoying ads come on.

I think even amongst all the abnormally different environment I find myself in these days, I finally see how normal I feel within it all. If it's as little as trusting that my email will get a response from a loved one and knowing that I will undoubtedly get a text in response or as big as finally getting to successfully complete a work related goal, there is no longer a hectic feeling of being outside of my skin.

I've established a routine, there is no longer that feeling of boredom, I have given myself a list of options whenever those thoughts come along. It goes something like this:

If Eden is bored here is what she can do?
1. Taebo or Yoga
2.Paint
3.Read a book
4.Listen to music and write in her "Free It" notepad
5.Watch a movie or shows
6.Talk to host parents
7.If it's nice out: Take a walk even if it's to the store to buy fruit
8.Visit Olga and Liliana
9.Text loved ones from home
10. Visit Gigi

It's hilarious how OK I am with the pace of life here. It's okay if what I get accomplished in a day is to have Internet function correctly at work to be able to send an email to plan a youth seminar for the High School children. This task, the me, a year ago would never ever think of as a big accomplishment for the day, but here, you have to understand what a miracle it is just to have the Internet function and have communications be in accord with different people. That, today was my biggest accomplishment! I've come to terms with it. I believe that is the explanation, the reason, the very foundation of why I feel so normal. Comfortable. Situated.

Another thing I've also come to terms with is the fact that right now, my work can't exactly proceed, if I don't want to venture into the dark pools of Moldovan politics. Having my mayor running for office and having a village that is divided among different parties, I finally understand why certain people aren't exactly jumping on the wagon to have projects running. Those who are not supportive of my Mayor's particular party do not want any major improvements brought upon under my Mayor's term as Mayor and as a candidate for Parliament. This would be something that would help out his candidacy. That would be the reason why he's not at the office, and also why I have nothing going on. I understand that, and I have come to terms with it. I just wish that Peace Corps would have warned me about this, I would have perhaps been a little bit more settled with this circumstance earlier.

Tomorrow, I have another English Club meeting with the 12th graders. I am going to have them divide into groups, give them a list of vocabulary, and have them pick out two strange items I've found around my house and come up with a skit involving the list of vocabulary and items. It'll be fun! I hope they'll think so too. Before this, we were mostly in a circle with mainly me speaking in English, answering their questions and then harassing them with questions. I think this way, everyone will have more fun and get to contribute their creativity into learning English.

After a year, I can finally say that I absolutely and completely feel safe in my own skin in Moldova. I do not live inside of my head, constantly beggaring myself with "Why am I here?" questions. I've settled. Situated. Simply living with what I have.
Out!

My Music Mania

2009-03-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press the next button to answer the questions.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Gong Endir - Sigor Ros

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Miniature Diasters - KT Tunstall

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Pizza Pie - System of a Down

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Life in Technicolor - Cold Play

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Color of Dreams - Axiom of Choice

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
All You Need Is Love - Beatles

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Chronometrophobia - Andre 3000

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Where Are You? - Zap Mama

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Aqualung - Jethro Tull

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Ways and Means - Snow Patrol

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Mad at Jesus - Trwst

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Coma - Aesop Rock

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Stop Complaining (Remix) - Lyrics Born

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Punky Reggae Party (w/Scratch) - Bob Marley

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Drum Machine at Cam's - Tyler Brownfield

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Ain't So Lonely - Lucero

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Freedom of Speech - Immortal Technique

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Black Wreath - Paper Bullets

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Highing Fly - Digable Planets

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Jacob Song- Mugicians

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Stuck In Between - Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley

WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN?
I'm No Heroine - Ani Defranco

Technology Mishap of my life

2009-03-05T01:45:00.000-08:00

The story goes somthing like this: On Sunday I came home to find my AC adapter for my computer wouldn't charge up. I freaked out, but after an hour of messing around, including stomping on the chord to get it to hook better together, I finally got it to work and thus was successful at using skype. At the moment that was my number one concern, to be able to call home. It worked and boy was I revived, then come Monday night, the same horrid no blinking light indicating a no charging computer. This time I took it easy, I got it running before, there is no reason for it not to work this time, right. Well, it charged up again after an hour or two of stomping, unplugging, replugging, recovering my comp and near tears praying to the mighty god to help me. Then come Tuesday night, nothing. No more light, no more comptuer usuage and a very sad me.

I really hate to say how dependent I've gotten with my laptop. Everything of my past, present and future is in that silly thing. The one thing I would recommend future voluneers to bring along in that suit case is thier laptop. I literally don't know what to do when I go into the office without it. I don't have a way to connect online and talk to my loved ones. I have nothing going on. It is rather pathetic!

So I went one day without it, went into the office, cleaned my work area, threw out old papers then sat there with nothing to do. I ventured downstairs and luckily, my mayor's wife had the door to the NGO that donates clothes to people in my village open. I walked in saying hello and saw that they just recieved several big bags of donated clothes from America. I asked her if she needed help to sort through the stuff. She was more than welcome in letting me help her.

For the next 5 hours I sorted through clothes as people came and picked out stuff. One thing that seemed rather interesting was how the mayor's wife was giving out voting advertisment (My mayor is running for parliament)and keep on saying to people that Veronin do not want them to bring in more clothes, so they need to vote for my Mayor's party if they want more clothes to come in. I'm not sure if this is at all correct, but from what I know, the NGO does not have any affiliation with Veronin. The donations are given from a Christian Church out of Philaphedia via an NGO ran out of Chisinau. However, like I said, I am not all at certain, but thought it was interesting.

Well, so I guess I ended up finding work after all, and I rather liked it, a different experience than sitting in the office with my laptop.

However, the idea of no computer tugs at my heart so lets just cross some fingers that I am able to get my computer up and running again. It is for the goodness of my soul and happiness for the rest of my time here.

OUT

Moldova representing at Eurovision!!

2009-03-02T01:21:00.001-08:00

Month of Marțișor - Spring is here!

2009-03-01T23:53:00.000-08:00

It is Spring!! It might not feel like it as this morning there were frozen dew on the ground. The sun is out and it is March! In Moldova, the 1st of March is very significant, it represents anticipation of the beginning of a great harvest. Everyone buys Marțisor and give them to loved ones wishing health and well being.

Below is a history of the meaning behind Marțisor:

"Long, long ago the sun would descend into villages as a handsome brave young man so he could dance at wedding parties and holidays. One day a dragon ambushed and jailed
him. The whole world grieved. The birds forgot their songs, the murmur of spring ceased, and the singing of young girls and laughter of children turned into deep
sorrow. No one dared fight the terrible dragon. However, there was one man brave enough to attempt to set the sun free from the dragon’s prison.

Everyone gave him their strength to help in this difficult task. He walked through summer, then through autumn, then the entire frosty winter, until he found the castle of the terrible dragon. A dreadful fight for his life began. They hit each other mercilessly, shedding blood and sweat in the crystal snow. Both the dragon and the man were very strong, both wounded across their chests, arms and shoulders. At last the brave man gained victory as the cruel dragon fell in death. The victorious man broke the walls of the prison and set the handsome sun free. The sun sprang into the sky. Nature began to revive, and people were glad, but the brave man did not last to see the spring. His warm blood dropped on the snow that began to thaw in the flowers that were growing.

The snowdrops gently rocked their petals, heralding the beginning of spring. The last drop of strength and blood fell from the young man’s arm on the first of March, and he closed his eyes and stopped breathing. Since then, in his memory, all the girls knit two tassels, a white one and red one, as a sign that spring is
beginning. The girls present this token to boys of whom they are fond. The token is named Mărţişor, which is the diminutive form of Martie, the first month of spring. The red color stands for love of everything that is beautiful and is the color of the brave man’s blood. The white color symbolizes happiness, health and purity
like a gentle and fragile snowdrop, the first flower in spring.

People give each other the Mărţişor on March 1 as a symbol of new life and love. Everybody wears it for the first week of March, though it is not uncommon for it to be worn the entire month. At the end of March the Mărţişor is put on a tree. They say that this will bring a good year and good crops. Celebration of Spring (Mărţişor) – March 1. During the first week of March, many concerts, musicals and entertainment take place to celebrate spring. As a token of love, friendship and greeting, people give and wear small red and white lapel flowers, mostly a handmade decoration, to signify the legend of Mărţişor."

On the streets of Chișinău people were lined up to sell these flower pins. Among many things I did while in Chișinău this past weekend was buy several of these Marțișor to give away.

M22 Sworn IN

2009-02-26T05:55:00.000-08:00

I present you a list of all things that I still miss

2009-02-26T05:54:00.000-08:00

Even after a full year there are still somethings that I miss:

1. Hugs and kisses from my loved ones
2. Hot steaming showers at whatever hour and not have to wait for showering night
3. My charcoal pencil to depict my imagination
4. Fresh fruit when I crave it
5. The ability to take off with my car to any destination I want to end up
6. The ability to pick up the phone and be able to speak to loved ones without having to calculate the hour difference
7. Than Brothers' Pho, Thai, Vietnamese and Indian food
8. Going to the movies and seeing all the new releases
9. Times when I always know what is going on and what is being said
10. Situations where I do not have to wait for others to help me complete my goals

One year down

2009-02-26T05:45:00.000-08:00

February 28 will be my one year mark here in Moldova!!! Just got me thinking that on 24th of Feb last year was when we (M22) met up in Philly for training. When we embarked on our journey. It gives me all kinds of mixed emotions. Ones that take you by surprise. For some odd reason the night of 24th in fond memory of leaving home, I sat and had my long crying session, like it was an anniversary of saying goodbye to my loved ones.

On the split side, I am so happy to have made it this far. All things aside, whether or not I have work, or how many projects I have going, I have evolved so much from the 24th of February, 2008.

To celebrate our one year anniversary some people are meeting up this weekend. I can't wait to see everyone again, especially those that live very far from the capital and never really get a chance to come into town. I feel so connected to my group, we've been together thus far...I am proud!

Transnistria and Moldova

2009-02-18T00:48:00.000-08:00

Here is a BBC documentary about Transnistria.

International Art Exchange Program

2009-02-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

These are some of the pictures of the 4th graders who made some awesome art work for the International Art Exchange Program we are participating in. We are going to send in 30 pieces of art, then we will get 30 pieces of art in return from a different part of the world. A type of cultural exchange. The children were so excited to get their art chosen and is also anticipating what kind of art work they will get in return.

If you would like to contribute in providing the children more motivation in making awesome art, you TOO can send us some art supplies!! Send it to my Peace Corps address! Thank you!

87 not at all random things about me

2009-02-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

First go here: To see what the hype is all about. Making random lists about yourself, who really wants to know anyways?

According to this journalist, no one does...I say, somebody obviously cares if not, why would there be a need to write this article with a list of their own to begin with. This just proves the point that the world love lists!

That is why I am making a list of my own too, except mine is bettter because it's longer, whether I am revealing nonsense, you'll have to be the judge of that.

1. I am a person who gets very happy with the littlest things, such as when babies hold my thumb or when I find silly little notes left for me, or when all my shelves are arranged in a pyramid formation (thanks Pier 1)
2. I cry to be happy
3. I am making a pact to myself that from now on, when I have vacation days, I am going somewhere I haven't gone before
4. I'm afraid that when I have children I will spoil them and give them everything, so much that they won't be people who appreciate the little things
5. I want to learn how to write in Khmer and also learn how to speak Thai and Mandarin
6. I am going to pick up Piano again, but this time with an instructor that won't hit my hand when I can't get the keys right or tell me I'm tune deaf
7. I want to learn how to swim and be able to go scuba diving with my children in Hawaii for a family vacation at one point in life
8. I really don't think I can ever go sky diving, but perhaps hang gliding, the more I think of it I really do need something to hold on to me
9. I once gave the mail lady my secret admirer letters to deliver two houses down to my admiree
10. I am also afraid that because of #4, I will deprive my children of privileges on purpose and make them miserable for the rest of their lives
11. I am going to write a Moldovan recipe book and will make my family Moldovan food years from now
12. I don't think I can go back to not having some wine with my dinner after living here
13. I really do think that one day during my lifetime I will be able to go into outer space and see Jupiter
14. I would love it if a major television broad casting station could come up with a show about Psychologists. There are way too many shows about doctors, don't you think? I mean if they can have a show about a paper factory, they can do this!
15. I am a sci-fi nerd, fascinated about outer space...I would totally do anything to see earth from the other side
16. I once jumped over the bridge when my friends did
17. Once I am old and gray I want to have an "around the world collectibles store" called "Eden's Collectibles."
18. I would want to live in Cambodia at some point in my life, to learn about my roots and get to know all of my family members.
19. It is a mission of mine to find out who my great grand parents are and to know where in China they came from. Then find my Chinese roots.
2o. I would like to have something of mine published one day
21. The song: "Blue Eyes" by Cary Brothers and "Queen Bee" by Taj Mahal makes me cry EVERYTIME!!
22. I love taking polls that are made specifically for me
23. I think that being in silence with the right people are the best times ever
24. I love to dance, but only to the right music and it is the only thing that can get me out of my funk
25. I never knew how much I hate mud before Moldova, I'm thinking I am going to make my children experience mud without a doubt
26. I love children and I love the idea of me having children, but the children part in my life planning doesn't even exist until I'm in my mid 30s, go figure
27. When holding hands with someone I never know if I should let go first or if I should wait for the other person to, but when they do I wonder why they didn't hold on longer
28. I now know how to bathe without drenching myself in water
29. I am a color person, if you want me to live in a white and black lifestyle, kill me now. I also think my food is more tasty if it's colorful
30. Back in middle school, all I wore were platforms and combat boots, in high school, sneakers, does that tell you anything about me?
31. My mom freaked out about my black nail polish and baggy pants during my youth
32. I once drove a white Toyota Corolla that rusted so bad during the winter days in Indiana, my friends identified it by the rust spots
33. I once fainted 20 minutes after waking up, now that definitely freaked out my mom
34. I still like to write messages with my food, in the sand, on fogged up windows, or with anything I can find
35. I don't like to pick favorites, and when people ask me the favorites question I stutter, but then I do have a playlist, what is that all about?
36. I find ordinary to be extraordinary compared to the super extraordinary
37. I love to people watch, and come up with theories behind their behaviors, such as why they turn left or right when they enter a building
38. I once thought that I will not settle, but now that I am growing I find that sometimes I do not have a choice (Sorry for not believing you earlier, Linda)
39. I have a great fear that I will suffer from Alzheimer when I am old, which is why I do Soduku as much as I can to train my neurons
40. I like big changes with little doses of the familiar
41. I dream about a big garden of my own with a fountain, white benches, and a little tool shed.
42. I hate perfume. Magazines that have those perfume samples are the worst.
43. I once pinched a baby just to make it cry (ok I was 6)
44. When I come home from Moldova I am going to do and eat all the things I had to give up for the 2 years until I'm sick of it, then do it again and then again some more
45. I am a horrible speller, please don't give me your papers to proofread
46. I like to hang around people who introduce me to my firsts
47. I sometimes like to argue for no apparent reason, especially when I don't even care either way
48. I like to have a lot of hiding spots.
49. I keep all my letters and cards
50. I've always like to discover new places on my own and not tell people about them
51. I like to go to the museums alone, because I can take all the time I want to look at one painting if I want to
52. I like to celebrate with a cocktail, kick back with a beer, open up with wine and forget with tequila
53. I like to walk barefoot on hot grass or lay around in the sun with nothing else to do
54. I am the type of person who will give up her eggs and say, "I don't like it that much," if there are not enough eggs for the both of us to have for breakfast, as long as you don't question it.
55. I do have a hard time saying, "No" to people, especially if I love them
56. Don't you dare stand in front of me and block my view of the concert when I've been standing in line for an hour, freakin tall people!
57. I just found out today that I do have a problem with those that spit in their hands each time they go through paper, as if the germs will somehow make the page turn faster
58. I can tell you a list of things to do inside of a refrigerator box
59. I do not have a problem with going to the movies by myself, but I hate that I can never finish the popcorn
60. If I can be any animal it would be a kangaroo, I love the idea of having a permanent pocket in my tummy for my little ones.
61. I like to ask the question, "What if...?"
62. I would rather keep information to myself, so as to keep its magic. Well unless it's a life or death situation, then only if you ask.
63. I am going to have a solar house on an island with a bath tub where my feet can reach the other end when laying in it, and where I do not need a stool to see my bathroom mirror one day.
64. The smell of fresh baked bread has always made me want to live close to a bakery
65. I hate to have to turn on the lights to go use the bathroom at night, that is why I miss my light night from home
66. I love to pile on top of clothes fresh from the dryer, hot and fresh smelling
67. The way I spend time with myself is with a book on the porch sitting in my rocking chair as the sun is setting with a big bowl of fruit, preferably watermelon, honey melon, cantaloupe or pineapple, well actually just about any fruit there is.
68. When watching TV on the couch I have to have a blanket or two on top of me, and perhaps even a pair of soft comfy socks on too, until I get too hot and take them off
69. I sometimes wake up in the morning to find myself in a state of undress, I do not remember ever taking off any article of clothing, I wonder how I do that in my sleep, does that ever happen to anyone else?
70. I love t-shirts!! Especially the ones with silly wacky sayings on them. I want to own them all!
and give them away as gifts!
71. One of these days I will cut out paper eye balls and tape them to my appliances all over my house and freak out my guests. If that doesn't freak them out, I will have names for them too, like fridgy dicky for my refrigerator.
72. I eat my hamburger upside down and apparently I peel my bananas the wrong way, but I say, "Who says?"
73. After a year in Moldova I've discovered how much I really like the taste of beets and chicken liver. However, I can live without the chicken heart and testicles, which I often find in my soups. Imagine my reaction when I first glared upon chicken organs in my spoon!! AWWW!
74. Color me red all over, and I will be the happiest girl there is
75. I've always wanted to go dog sledding and have a warm cabin to go to afterwards to defrost
76. Somehow, part of me have always wanted to be that person whom someone is running to the airport for, but in my version, the movie does not end there...
77. I too want to play Wii!
78. One of these days I will learn all the traditional Cambodian dances and knock your socks off!
79. I got held back from the first grade of Cambodian writing class, imagine how pissed I was when the 4 year olds were passing and the 12 year me, sitting there with out a certificate! I don't care what anyone says, Cambodian writing is hard!
80. I would like to contribute to finding a mystery or an unknown phenomenon about the human race one day, by stumbling upon it via a mistake, isn't that how it happens anyways?
81. Apparently I like making lists! I would be more than willing to show you my list of grants for Moldova, both in English and Romanian that I am currently working on. It's so so pretty!
82. Wouldn't it be great if someone stumbled upon this list and decided to make an Amelie-like movie about it!
83. I am dead set that if ever in the future there will be a reality show about Peace Corps Volunteers I would buy stock on it. I think that if Obama is really serious about expanding Peace Corps to twice its size by 2010, this might be an excellent advertising strategy.
84. I am deathly scared of snakes, even if it's at the zoo. The thin glass that separates us does not make me feel any safer.
85. I have to admit, sometimes Norah Jones gets on my nerves, she is too whiny at times
86. I am currently reading the 2nd book to the Twilight series and I am hooked
87. I love the functioning of commas, I wish I can stick them anywhere I want, just like I am doing now, and never ever stop, ever ever

Inima mea este așa de plină (My heart is so full)

2009-02-04T03:09:00.001-08:00

In 4 more hours, my full 25th year will be here!!!!! I don't usually get this excited about my birthday, but this year I'm finding it to be so different. I guess the excitement in making food and serving about 15 people at my Primăria (the Mayor's office) is getting me all hyped up. According to Moldovan customs, the one who has their birthday needs to have a party for everyone and that is what I'm doing! I'm not sure how big this party will be, but the menu in itself is getting me more and more excited.

My host mom helped me with the menu, we are having marinaded chicken with baked potatoes with tons and tons of garlic (how I like it), 5 rolls of invîrtită (Moldovan's extra large egg rolls of sort) stuffed seperately with pickled cabbage, sheep brînză (homemade cheese), and sweet pumpkin.

Besides that we are making corn and crab salad and sardine sandwiches. There will also be two different types of smoked sausages to go with the homemade cognac and white wine, in which my host dad made.

I also bought a cake! I don't think I ever bought a cake for my own birthday before, so it was a really strange feeling walking out of the alimentare (store) with it. The strangest part was when we saw my old piano instructor (I'd quit piano lessons, I'll explain at a later time) and I had to explain to him that the cake is for my birthday. I mean who does that in the States, buying your own cake? No one...it's embarrassing in a way, but I am Moldovan for the time being and it is so okay. It's my party and I'm so going to rock it with my own cake!!!

My host mom and dad has been superb about all the preparations for this party. My host mom who is still suffering from her hurt spine due to that fall is still not able to go to work but she went with me to the store to buy stuff. Initially we were going to make sarmale, because she knows how much I like it, but it would have been too hard for her to sit for a long time to wrap them up, which I am fine with. Then my host dad, cracked who knows how many walnuts to get the inside layer of them to make the cognac and he also went three different times to the bakery to order the invîrtită today.

Then they surprised me with something of their own. I walked into my room after work today to find what looked like a Valentine's Day heart shaped card on my desk with this written in red:

Dragă Eden! (Dear Eden)
Felicitari de Ziua ta! (Happy Birthday)
și un inel, ce-ți va aduce NOROC! (and a ring, it will bring you good luck)
-Familia Gazdă Arnăut (Host family Arnăut)

There was a sterling silver ring with my birthstone sticking out of the card! It was the greatest thing ever to stumble upon in your room!

I love my host family. They are differently my family away from home. As time goes by I get more and more comfortable with them and can not imagine any other way of life here in Moldova for myself.

Core Expectations For Peace Corps Volunteers

2009-02-04T03:07:00.000-08:00

This was published last week in our weekly highlights. I think it outlines everything perfectly for those who is thinking of joining the Peace Corps. For me, somethings on this list didn't exactly hit me until living it, for example #4 and 9 on the list.

1. Prepare your personal and professional life to make a commitment to serve abroad for a full term of 27 months
2. Commit to improving the quality of life of the people with whom you live and work; and, in doing so, share your skills, adapt them, and learn new skills as needed
3. Serve where the Peace Corps asks you to go, under conditions of hardship, if necessary, and with the flexibility needed for effective service
4. Recognize that your successful and sustainable development work is based on the local trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community and culture
5. Recognize that you are responsible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for your
personal conduct and professional performance
6. Engage with host country partners in a spirit of cooperation, mutual
learning, and respect
7. Work within the rules and regulations of the Peace Corps and the local and national laws of the country where you serve
8. Exercise judgment and personal responsibility to protect your health, safety, and well-being and that of others
9. Recognize that you will be perceived, in your host country and community, as a representative of the people, cultures, values, and traditions of the United States of America
10. Represent responsibly the people, cultures, values, and traditions of your host country and community to people in the United States both during and
following your service

Stomach Parasite...yes or no?

2009-02-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

Like I've mentioned...My fear of having parasites invading my intestinal tracks is making me nervous...Oh no!!! I might need to go see medical for some help soon...but I looked up the symptoms and I don't have all that is all the list...

Constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating, irritable bowel syndrome, joint and muscle pain, anemia, allergies, skin conditions, nervousness, sleep disorders, teeth grinding, chronic fatigue syndrome, and immune dysfunction are all common symptoms of a parasitic infection.

Maybe I need to wait for diarrhea...not a sound reasoning to take up, I know but that is something big, in which I don't have now, thank god, so in conclusion...maybe no parasite.

Cross Fingers

The world will see me as having 25 years soon.

2009-01-31T06:23:00.000-08:00

The direct translation in Romanian when one asks, "How old are you?" and you answer, "Eu am 25 de ani." means that I have 25 years. If you ask me, I like the meaning behind the Romanian translation better, it makes me feel like I OWN my years. Like I took charge of it and have done something with it.

It's a rather different feeling with, "I am 25 years old" in the English language. That on the flip side brings me back to how, even though I try not to, but sometimes cave in, and just let life take control of me. I mean, you too have to admit that at times you want it all figured out for you, to have it all planned out.

At this very present moment in time, the realization that I am closely emerging on having 5 years minus 3 decades of life is very apparent. Therefore, I'd say that it is crucial to use this time for reflection and ask myself, "What have I gained?", "Do I have more than just the mere numbers of my years?"

The answer to that is..."Well, self I would want to say that I am not just the number of years, but that I owned those years. That it brought me to be the me today, in a good happy place în sufletul meu (in my soul)."

"The me" then replies, "That isn't a good enough answer! Are you kidding me? You know better than that! I am talking about the railroad dream from last night or the one about finding your path, give me some clear cut examples!"

"The other side of me" then says, "What do you want, a list or something?"

"The me" concluded, "You know that I am a concrete learner, tell me what you've gained in your 25 years."

"The other side of me" sighs in an overwhelming, almost annoyed kinda way.

However, after several minutes of deep contemplation, she finally decided to give up her list in knowing that she knows the other side of her very well. Better yet, she also knows herself well in that she too will end up benefiting from this darn forsaken list.

(Note: To those who thought the previous dialog was rather strange and that it worried you...even a little, here is my response......"You all know I have split personality by now, I am in the Peace Corps!" We are breed that way, just ask any of the other volunteers. Oh yeah, you all know that I am also an Asian American, we too are also breed that way. It is now in my blood)

The me continues....as such...mai departe...To list out all the ways in which I got this 25th year to wondering if I do or do not have, and if I do, why I might have a parasite living in my tummy should be an interesting thing to do indeed. (do read about the parasite in my tummy at your next disposable time and sitting...updates coming soon)

I know nothing about parasites living in tummies, but I do know one thing and that is on Tuesday of the first week in February of 2009, I will give birth to a bright brown eyed, smiling, optimistic 25 year old little Asian American living in Moldova-girl. What else is there to say. I will be a very happy and proud parent. A parent who can easy speak about herself in third person when addressing pride issues about her beautiful and strong minded daughter, who by the way will have 25 years of age, in life, in experiences, in love and hate and in seeing the sun. Also to add, in listening to YO YO Ma, Appalachian Waltz at midnight of one night, in a cold casa and wanting nothing more to do with this splash of release painted with colors of tiredness and anticipation for the coming 25th year in life, even though in full reality it already came in July of last year.

I am a result of one întimplare of one mutual showcase of love and devotion. That is what I have in my 25 years to put on the shelf.

To me..."Oh sorry, I'd forgotten about the concrete tad bit in your argument piece...maybe next time. However, don't hold your breath."

My Fave Pics from Prague

2009-01-18T05:42:00.000-08:00

Go to my flickr to see more!

I took my own advice...

2009-01-17T01:53:00.001-08:00

Did I say, "Open up the dialog?"
I did!! and I did just that!!

I talked to my Mayor today, presented him all my analyzes I did from the survey I conducted at the school and all my information on starting a Youth Council in our village.

He was beyond enthusiastic and boy am I so relieved, he wants the same thing I do! He talked about having a cleaning day! Who knows how many days I've walked around our village and said that exact same thing. I told him I want to start an Internet Cafe and have a place to hang out for them and he was very supportive and provided loads of ideas! I know that I complain a lot about not having a partner, I know that he is a busy man, but I didn't exactly approach him either.

Today is a Saturday, we have to work to make up for having time off for the holidays, and it was great to have 20 minutes to seat down and talk to him without interruptions. Right now, I feel really good about being here...about BREAKING THROUGH.

When I told him, "I need to find someone to work with me on this" he said, "Erena, I with both feet and hands will help you!" That was all I needed to keep on going.

Dear Ignorant Imbeciles of the World...I am writing to you!

2009-01-17T01:52:00.000-08:00

I AM FLIPPING ANGRY!
Angry at those who do not push forward,
do not break through their shell and explore what is out there!

I am SICK and TIRED of those who are not aware of what is going on around the world!

If only they would stop to think about others for once,
just a minute of putting yourself in someone else's shoes
they will see that they are not the ONLY spoiled rotten
important person in this world!

That there is much more to life...
and even when you think that is all there is
there is still more!

I am PISSED off of those who think that the world evolves around them!

HOW DARE YOU???
How could you not see what is so obviously there?
Everything is SO darn important only when it involves YOU!

How many other living, walking souls are there in the world?
Who suffers, who hunger, who can love and laugh and smile
and tell mind blowing stories?
Just like you!

Open up your F-ING eyes and see the rest of the magnification world,
and not just the 15 mile circumference you allow yourself
to physically and mentally travel to and fourth on a daily basis!

Can you see that there is definitely a pattern of IGNORNACE
that you are imparting onto this world
that is IMPACTING my life and millions of others out there?

Have some F-ing RESPECT!!
For the human morale.
The code of conduct of life...

Get to know your neighbor's stories
You'll see that they are not at all different from you
Speak up and open up the damn dialog already!
COME ON PEOPLE!!
Come on ME!

Ok an explanation is owed...Why all the anger?

2009-01-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

I walked into the casa mica for dinner to find my host dad already heating up a dish for me. On the radio was a broadcast about how the trend keep on increasing with people leaving to work abroad. My host dad, a person who always has a joke or two for me when he sees me, seemed very agitated, and repeated things over and over again.

Earlier today my host mom slipped on ice on her way to school and is currently at the hospital. She injured her spine and is not able to make major movements and will stay over at the hospital for several days. My host dad felt a lot of guilt by not telling her to be careful, as he normally does everyday when there is ice. He had to explain to me many times how he felt and then went on to talking about other things, he tends to keep on going once you get him started. I love that about him, I can just seat and listen to him talk. He doesn't care if I understand or not sometimes, he keeps on going, in the end I learn a lot of Romanian!

I sat and ate my baked chicken liver with union while he told me stories after stories about living abroad in Israel. He was the first in the family to leave and worked as a Grounds Keeper at a cemetery by the Mediterranean Sea for 3 years. He slowly saved up money to send over my host mom, then later his two children. Then he worked as a Dishwasher and a Cook at a restaurant for another 2 years. My host mom and sister worked as a Maid for rich families and my host brother worked in a Coca-Cola factory.

His stories encompasses, silly things he's seen, language trivia he's undergone, and different cultural experiences he's witnessed. Sometimes, I see how his eyes glimmer at the silly experiences, but sometimes I see the pain when he explains how much hardship they'd went through.

After one last pahar de vin toast to health, he said something that I didn't expect. That working abroad shortens your life. When I didn't understand what he meant by that, he took it literally and drew a line on the table cloth, "this is how long life is and this is how much it takes off at the end," and drew another line starting from the other end about 1/4 of the way up.

When I asked why that is, he explained that me being here is different, I have no family of my own, children or husband. For him, he had to leave his family behind, and even when they met up, it changed them. I then asked, "You're not happy at all that you went and learned and experienced many different things?" He said, of course he is happy, they learned about the world, they were able to provide for themselves by building a house, buy their children apartments in Chișinău and are able to live well until now. Then I couldn't help to think that I too benefited from their work aboard, for I am too living well, I mean we do have a bathroom in doors!! He finally said that the aspect of money changed them. That was the extent of his explanation, I'm sure you know what he means by that.

After hearing his side of this great phenomenon of people leaving abroad, and also after experiencing it first hand with a close person who will soon leave, I am full of mixed up emotions. The first thing that comes to mind is anger, anger for myself for not being more aware. Angry that I have to lose a friend. Angry and Sad that people here are left with this choice to be able to have things that I get so easily. Pride for them for having the courage to leave their homeland by choice (or not) and live dangerously in order to find a better opportunity for themselves.

I mean it took a lot for me to leave home to be here, but I also knew that I will have Peace Corps who will support me, and that there will be other Americans who will go through this with me. Moldovans who leave here are left to their own resources, sometime with no help, having to learn a new language without a 3 month intensive training and constant support like I did. They have to go through all of the same frustrations I probably go through without the same support with living in another country, with a different culture and traditions.

Then it makes me feel angry that there are not many more people I know back home who have this courage. For even, my courage is not at all equivalent. Then I get sad, because the situation here is environmentally and politically induced. On the flip side, I also feel happy that I and the people back home are free from this constant fear of having a family member or close friend leave or being the one who have to leave to provide for your family.

At this moment I can not express how much respect and pride I have for Moldovans.

Perfectly Happy

2009-01-15T03:57:00.002-08:00

I am just that...fine, jolly, wonderfully happy
my day was full of smiles and laughter
but yet, can anyone tell me why the tears are present?
why it feels so great to let it all run down stream, streaming
fogging up my glasses...has the routine of wiping them become a joy?

Why I resort to listening to the songs, "my songs"
that I know will undoubtedly make me cry even more
reminisce even more...my stories, my dealings

Has it been the endless emotional woes and yeas?
The ups and downs of a bipolar-like syndrome?
The life suit of a fellow PCV MD?

Or is due to hearing over and over again silent cries of others all day?
the fact that people sometimes look at me with envious eyes,
give me envious comments?
Is it the fact that I still am not perfectly happy with my life,
though others are so envious of it?
Is it the fact that I ask my self, "why" concerning that phenomenon
and still up end with the same answer?

Could it be that I see other's sad stories, sad dealings everyday
and I can't do anything about it?
Or maybe it's that, in spite of all of those things,
I still get enthusiastic "Hello!!!" from children?

Whatever it might be,
they are what they are,
Present...and that too is what I am
PRESENT AND HERE
to experience all of the above
through the tears and still know that
tomorrow I will continue to get those
enthusiastic, HELLOS!

Jethro Tull in my auditory canal

2009-01-15T03:57:00.001-08:00

I am warm, comfy, with tummy full of sarmele and crab salad. In my bed after a day that seemed so full, but yet, I really didn't do anything besides the usual constant observation of traditions and customs.

Thus, I am suffering from a simmering headache that is telling me to lay of the daily parhar de vin and shots of cognac. However, I do take today as an exception, it is my host dad's birthday and he sure deserves a day to himself.

Speaking of it being my host dad's birthday, here is a funny story... All day today, my host dad has spent about 90% of his day at the masa, receiving toasts, serving food and having conversation overload (which is what he is really good at, talking), and drinking. Well, by the time I got home from visiting Olga and Liliana I found myself locked out of the house. I went to the hiding spot and the key wasn't there. It seemed like they'd left, the front porch light wasn't on, but usually when they leave they leave me a key. I figured they'd thought I would come home late or that they'd simply forgotten to leave the key. It was very strange, both the casa mica and mare were closed. I searched for other hiding spots and found old keys, in which, I tried every which one of them.

After about 20 minutes of sitting out in the cold and texting my friends, I observed that the window to the TV room is flickering with light. Thus, I figured someone had to be home, for they would never leave the TV on if they are not home. I called, and sure enough, my host dad attentively answered the phone. He came to the door not knowing that he accidentally locked my host mom and himself inside the house. I entered the house laughing so hard. "Only in Moldova," Veronica said in answer to my text.

A Turn of Events...

2009-01-15T03:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first time seeing Olga and Liliana after coming back from Prague. It was very nice to get to hang with them, but I found out some bad news. Olga will be married in the spring. Her finance, who was working in Moscow is now living with the girls until they get married and she'll move to live with him in his village up north of Moldova. This means that she'll break her teaching for 3 years contract in Gura Galbenei and that I will lose a close friend in site.

This saddens me. I feel like I was just robbed of something. We had so much potential, in working on projects here in site, as well as becoming really great friends. Now she is too leaving. They are also talking about going to live in America to work illegally after they get married.

They asked my opinion on the economy and jobs in America. I told them straight out, that if they want to work in America illegally they would have to settle with really hard work for little pay. I also gave them the jest of how bad the economy is for Americans. After all of that, they still seemed insistent on going. They said, that it is close to impossible to make money to save up to buy a house, to start a family in Moldova.

Mai scurt, I am still as much alone as before. I need to start over with the clubs, for they all fell threw. The kids just stopped coming and I am still on a conquest to get a partner.

The good news is that I am settling much more on my outlook here than I did before. I think Prague really helped rejuvenate me. I felt more ready to come back and retry. I am much more accepting of things happening around me. I don't overreact, instead what I do is take myself aside from the situation and just plainly observe and ask myself, "Why is this happening, what are people doing and why are they doing that?"

This has allowed me to try to see other's perspectives in the moment of situations, and not to take in my emotions or reactions towards the situations first. I swear it is the only way I've found to get through some of the yelling that takes place at the Mayor's office.

Deci, I am still on a quest and am still trying to hold up my FIERCEness!!!

HOnestly OK

2009-01-15T03:55:00.000-08:00

The following are lyrics that I've found to perfectly express what I was going through my first several months in site. It is somehow nice to reflect on that time, to see what I was going through and has eventually overcome.

I also recommend listening to the song.

HOnestly OK
Dido

Safe in my own skin
I just want to be
Happy again
I just want to feel
Deep in my own world
but I am so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day,
If I am safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn't feel
lost and so frightened
but this is too deep
and I am lost in my own skin

free trade of our world

2009-01-15T03:54:00.000-08:00

Saw on the label of my Old Navy tank top hanging out to dry in the cold winter air, which I bought along while before coming to here, that says, "Made in Moldova". Who'd know for many months I wore that tank top underneath other pieces of clothing and had no idea it was made in a place I'd end up living in today. Crazy Ironic!

Happy New Years!!!!

2009-01-14T02:51:00.000-08:00

According to the Old Orthodox Catholic calendar today is the beginning of the New Year!!

Last night we celebrated my host dad's birthday and the new year with a full masa!!!! I helped with making the salads and there were definitely a lot more mayonnaise I was instructed to use, then I can ever admit to putting in any dish.

Throughout the night, children came to the door and praised us with well being for the new year, with bells and lots of excitement. In return my family gave them money and candy, but once that ran out, my host dad resorted to walnuts and apples that came from our trees. Once that distribution were given out, we didn't see many more come to the door. My host mom said that the word must of made its way around to the other children.

This morning I was woken up by yelling outside my window, due from a heavy night of partying, I couldn't get myself to get out of bed to see what all the commotion was all about. Once I walked out the door for tutoring later in the morning, there were corn all over our door steps.

Then when I went to work, Domnul Grigore walked in praising good cheers and threw corn at me for several minutes while I stood in amazement. He told me to collect it in my hand to predict how many children I'll end up having...I collected 6!! WowZZZAAA! Domnezeu Ma Ajuta!

This is my Snowy Moldovan Fairy Tale.

2008-12-24T05:06:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to snow!! I love how Gura Galbenei looks. It is so different, so fairy tale like.

I am in love!! Walking to work this morning was great, not only was I not occupied in trying to skip over the mud, I was crunching through crisp snow. How perfect timing, just in time for Christmas Eve.I am waiting for more snow to flag down some children to go sledding. I was told that is the best time to bond with snow enthusiast children. I too miss those times.

It's Christmas

2008-12-23T04:21:00.001-08:00

This is a present to me from the 4th graders. They invited me to their Christmas party on Sunday, but due to the Peer Support Network meeting in Chișinău I wasn't able to make it. So they gave it to me today.

The 4th graders, though this picture was taken last summer.

I've got to say, there is something about being a teacher here that I love, the moment when you walk into the classroom and have all the students stand up and greet you. They still catch me by surprise every time.

At home, my host parents and I put up our tree. Several weeks ago I asked my host dad if they were going to put a tree in the house. He said that they haven't done it since their children left the house, but this year they will put it up again because they have me.

My host dad putting up the star.

I am happy that there is some Christmas cheer in my life. Moldovans celebrate Christmas on January 7th, therefore I will miss Christmas eve and Christmas day food and opening presents excitement this December.

One thing I never thought I would never miss from working at Pier 1 is the Christmas music. Now I get some spark of happiness in my soul just to hear a lil jingle. Crazy!!

However, this Saturday I will start my journey via a 20 something hours bus ride to Prague and will spend New Years there. That I am excited for.

I WISH EVERYONE CHEERS AND JOY IN LIFE! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

A Collection of Words I Live by

2008-12-19T03:07:00.000-08:00

You can get over it.
All you gotta do is survive.

Pain is there for a reason.

Don't try to be Perfect,
Do try to be Better.

"I am a leaf on the wind!
Watch how I soar!
-Wash, Firefly

"Existence Precedes Essence" -Sarte

"For it isn't enough to
talk about peace.
One must believe it.
And it isn't enough to
believe in it.
One must work at it."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"When you
can't run...
You crawl...
And when you
can't crawl...
You get someone
to carry you."
-Firefly

"I could quit...but
here's the thing...
I love the playing FIELD!"
- Grey's Anatomy

"Success is a journey,
not a destination.
The doing is often
more important than
the outcome."
- Arthur Ashe

"All those years I've been feeling
like I was growing into myself.
Finally, I feel grown."
- Oprah Winfrey

"It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion."
- Horace

"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes."
- Maggie Kuhn

"Life is like getting dropped off in
the middle of the woods, and then year by year,
gradually walking home."
- April Fowles

"To repeat what others have said,
require education,
To challenge it, requires brains."
- Mary Pettibore Brooke

"I would rather have regrets about things
I did than about things I didn't do."
- Haider Hamza

"To fly we have to have resistance."
- Maya Lin

"If you are going through hell...
keep going!!!" -Anonymous

"Everything has a purpose, even this,
and it's up to you to find it."
- Dan Millman

"Knowledge speaks but
Wisdom listens."
- Jimi Hendrix

"Each morning we are born again.
What we do today is what matters most."
- Buddha

"When we feel stuck, going nowhere...
even starting to slop backward...
we may actually be backing up to get a running start."
-Dan Millman

"Tell me my most attractive feature is my
SELF-CONFIDENCE!"
- Women's Empowerment Manual

Successful Peace Corps
"The single most influential element of your Peace Corps service is yourself. You will determine whether your service was good or bad, worth it or not, successful or a failure.
It is up to you to make it what it will be, it is futile to blame outside things, because all of the answers already lie withing yourself."
- unidentified PCV

"I think life is what you do with it.
How you decide to live it.
It can be simple or not.
If you are happy and living
how you want to live,
responsibilities can be a joy,
not a job."
- Me 12/26/02 found written on the back of a gas receipt

Let us learn to appreciate there will be times
when the trees will be bare, and look forward
to the time when we may pick the fruit.
~ Anton Chekhov

"Besides the noble art of
getting things done,
There is a nobler art of
leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life
consists in the elimination
of nonessentials."
- Yin Hutang

"Pay attention, because you don't always
know where your opportunities will come.
A door may open where you didn't expect.
Pay attention to the people you meet,
pay attention to what people do.
You walk in a forest and see nothing,
but if you pay attention you see a universe."
- Diane Von Furstenberg

"One's first step in wisdom is to question everything,
and one's last is to come to terms with everything."
- George Christopher Lichtenberg

"All of us tend to put off living,
we are all dreaming of
some magical rose garden over the horizon,
instead of enjoying the roses that are
blooming outside of our window's today."
-Dale Carnegi

"The truth is that there is nothing noble
in being superior to somebody else.
The only real nobility is in being
superior to your former self."
- Whitney Young

"Take chances, make mistakes.
That's how you grow.
Pain nourishes your courage.
You have to fail in order
to practice being brave."
- Mary Tyler Moore

"The purpose of life is to discover your gift.
The meaning of life is giving your gift away."
- David Visccott

"It is only when we no longer impulsively
need someone that we can have a
real relationship with them."
- Anthony Starr

"If you love someone, set them free."
- Richard Bach

"I need not base my mental health on other's emotional support."
- Me with help

Quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh's books:

Following the Breath
Breathing in, I calm my body
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this a wonderful moment!

Breathe you are alive!!!

To breathe is enough to always
be happy, to always be in love.

Walking Meditation
The mind can go in a thousand directions
but on this beautiful path, I walk in Peace.
With each step, a gentle wind blows
with each step, a flower bloom.

Interconnectedness
The feeling of alienation among so many people today has come about because they
lack awareness of the interconnectedness of all things.
We can not disconnect ourselves from society or anything else.

Looking deeply, we can contemplate one thing and see everything else in it. We are not disturbed by change when we see the interconnectedness and continuity of all things. It is not that the life of any individual is permanent, but that life continues. When we identify ourselves with life and go beyond the boundaries of a separate identity, we shall be able to see permanence in the impermanent, or the rose in the garbage.

Being Alive
Just to be alive is wonderful, and you feel intensely happy.

Loving
When you have the courage to open your heart completely to love, a miracle happens. You start perceiving the reflection of your love in everything. Then eating, walking, talking, singing, dancing, showering, working, playing-everything you do becomes a ritual of love. When everything becomes a ritual of love, you are no longer thinking, you are feeling and enjoying life. You find pleasure in every activity you do because you love to do it.

I don't need to justify my love.
I love you because this is my pleasure.
Love coming out of me makes me happy,
and it's not important if you reject me
because I don't reject myself.
In my story, I live in an on going romance,
and everything is beautiful for me.

Brașov Art

2008-12-17T00:44:00.000-08:00

These are a collection that we came across on a fence on one of our walks. Thought I should share for it is one of those things I cherish from our trip.

Being Me

2008-12-17T00:30:00.000-08:00

I am ONE among many
unique and different in my OWN entity

Life's Zenith Point

2008-12-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

Wrapped up in thoughts of self, full of wants and desires
Swirling, winding, circling all over...
I am in my empty vessel

A slight touch, it goes tumbling
Rolling, bumping, thudding its way,
No where determined

Yet still so determined to reach a destination
An ending point in the future...my destined future
All possibilities are open to interpretation

It is upon me to uncover all inquiries
From the highest point looking down
Directly from life's zenith point

Ironic Happenstance

2008-12-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I attended a funeral held outside for 4 hours. Even through frozen limbs and full of self awareness of how my body try its best to fight the cold, it was hard to see my Mayor and his family say goodbye to his mother.

It was my first funeral here in Moldova, and was told later that it was done differently from a traditional Orthodox funeral. In fact it was performed according to the Seventh-day Adventist religion. The difference lies in the fact that this one was held outside and not in a church, there were no religious flags or candlesticks, and no wine were served at the Masa after the burial service.

Instead we went to a ceremony at the house, were people could say goodbye to her in the sala (living room), later through many carols she was brought outside while the rest of the service continued with speeches. After two hours of that, she was loaded onto the truck and everyone from the house followed the truck to the cemetery. More speeches took place leading up to the very last moment when the family said goodbye to her before she was laid into the ground.

Through 4 hours of witnessing this, I had many running thoughts, due to not being able to understand all that was being said and to see a 76 year old woman lie peacefully in her casket surrounded by her loved ones on what would have been her birthday.

Last night I came home and wanted nothing other than to move my body and warm up and to feel movement. I did Taebo and Yoga, which helped me to connect to life. Then my host mom was worried that I would get my cold back from being outside so long, she made me soak my feet in hot water in a tub with a blanket over it for the rest of the night and told me I do not need to leave my room. That was my treatment, which I didn't complain. I resorted to watching P.S. I Love You and cried with all the feelings I was holding back throughout the day.

Then something happened, we did not have running water. We had only a bucket of water that was being used in the Casa Mica to use between the three of us. I woke up the next morning to still no water and needed really bad to wash my hair. Then just like that all my problems disappeared.

Never in my life have the essentials been withheld from me; food, water, air, love. Today water, the everyday essentials, I did not have. I'm not talking about the fact that I can only shower once a week due to not having hot water on a daily basis, but about not having water at all.

This just made my day. I am happy and appreciate life, because not only am I alive, I've had water all my life. I never had to worry about it taken away from me. How lucky am I??

The ABCs of what Eden wants in life?

2008-12-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

This is an effort to discover myself....

a. Happiness with little triumphant struggles along the way
b. To keep on learning something new
c. To always feel connected to nature, earth, people and life
d. To be an unconditional loving, respecting, encouraging and supportive person in all the roles I partake in life
e. To experience love with all that it encompasses... joy, pain, sorrow, laughter and tears
f. To gain respect, pride and love from my family and friends
g. To keep on discovering the root of beautifulness in everything
h. To continue reinventing myself, in other words, keep on improving as a person
i. To be a person who knows want she wants
j. To be a person who fights for what she wants
k. To be fulfilled in life, meaning to know that I took all that life is able to give
l. To always challenge myself
m. To have it in me to challenge others around me
n. To speak up
o. To know when to give up for the right reasons
p. To know myself and accept that there are definitely things I am not able to accomplish or do
q. To accept my past history and be proud of where it lead me and how it made me the person I am
r. To be able to know what is bothering me and deal with the root of the problem
s. To want to be ME regardless of how I feel at the moment
t. To accept people as they are, but to know when to not accept their behavior in which hurts me
u. To experience different corners of the world
v. To never stop laughing
w. To appreciate the people in my life, even the ones who failed me, for they teach me something
x. To turn my own failures into lessons in life
y. To be able to teach and guide those that need my help
z. To succeed in all endeavors that will lead me to fulfill all that is on this list.

STRENGTH!!!

2008-12-10T01:43:00.000-08:00

I am trying these days to find that spot of awesomeness INSIDE OF ME to keep on busting it...It sure is hard when you lay in bed for hours on end and can't ever seem to close your eyelids to have some rest. Past memories race through with a mixture of current agendas that seem to be put on hold until who knows when. Why does it have to be so hard. Why do I have to wait and wait and WAIT...is it cause I have two years to give or is it that people just don't want it ever?

I need some rest...some peace IN MIND. You would think that since it's the soul reason in me being here that it would be the root to all my existence here??

All that is peaceful now is my nightly yoga routines and all about bees and letting my brain do its wondering in hopes to find the answer.

Me...FIERCE!!!

2008-11-25T05:21:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NOVEMBER to everyone. A LOT has happened since I've written last!! There has been a lot of thought processes as well, dealing with reasons for being here and the need to constantly validate the fact that I gave up all that I know at home to be here.

I'm sure you are thinking, “Why should there be a need to validate such a thing? Isn't it worthwhile in itself, to be in it?”

Well, the answer is simple...I entered into something that I now find to be completely different than I thought; what I am doing, reactions that I have to put up with, circumstances that I'm not used to and how I deal with them is different than what I'm used to normally. I've found that I, myself need to challenge myself in so many ways, do certain things in which I'm not comfortable in doing, or raise up to occasions in which I would never dream of doing before.

The truth is, all of these things are what I dreamt about doing coming to Moldova, the only reason why there is any doubt in my mind as to whether what I lost is worthwhile over what I've gained, is that I'm not sure yet what I'm gaining, if that makes any sense.

First of all, GRASS ROOTS field work is DAMN HARD! I'm finding this more true than ever before, my level of patience is tampered with on a daily basis, my passion and what I love is put to the limit all the time.

The only thing that has somewhat helped guide me so far in knowing why I'm here is to clarify my role in being here...thus below is an explanation:

Even after outlining these expectations it is still very hard to know if I am doing all I can to fulfill these roles. I'm not sure if it has to do with my own expectations coming into this, which over and over again we were told during training to throw them all away. Yet till this day, I'm asking, “How can one do that???”

Maybe all of this will make better sense after I explain further what has been happening lately...

With all things aside, meaning the wonderful new things I've learned and taken on, a new language, traditions, culture, I was still very unhappy and disappointed in my job placement. Here we go again to the expectations I came with, the idea that I would be placed in a children's focus NGO. I came into the Peace Corps to work with CHILDREN, DARN IT!!!

After several months into site, I still never get to spend any time with children, who are my passion, what I came here to do. Instead, what I get to do is be in an office all day listening to retired people coming in to ask for help from my partner, the Social Assistant. I have a feeling that, Peace Corps had a notion that my partner wanted to work with youth as well, thus was why they placed me here, but it's not true. She is busy with her Social Assistant work as well as being everyone's personal typist at work and having a lot of work at home. This meant that I needed to find other people to help me find work with children, for it is not sustainable to do anything by myself.

I resorted to visiting the Kindergarten several times a week, to sit in on their classes and during outside time. Until I got really annoyed at how the classroom is run, it being really loud and CRAZY!! I just wanted to step in and do something about it, but I had no authority to do so, which turned into more frustrations, therefore I stopped going. I wonder if there is any way I can do anything about it? Maybe....maybe not.

The frustrations and endless search to find what I want to do continues...

Concerning my work for the Mayor, the Infrastructure project to repair the roads and get two buses is still going. The grant writing part is stalled due to translation glitches, but someone else is finally in charge of that. My part is just to wait for them to finish writing and in the mean time to start a Youth Initiative Group to help with fundraisings, for 20% of all grant projects need local funding, and to start other projects as well in the village.

When I found out that a co-volunteer was going to do a Halloween party to fundraise for her Ecology Project in her village to get trash bins and trash pick up running, I thought Gura Galbenei could use a Halloween party as well. I went to my Mayor and everyone involved in the planning for our Infrastructure project and pitched the idea. They weren't sure what to think of it, but I was still very enthusiastic about it.

I went in the 12th grade class and introduced the idea to them, in which I was very happy that they all know what Halloween is, and they told me they wanted to do it. However, the day we were suppose to meet no one showed up. I FREAKIN GOT STOOD UP!! Yes, I was mad and upset and felt hella betrayed! I even tried several attempts after that to schedule another meeting via my tutor, the Assistant Director of the High School, but it still didn't come together. Needless to say Halloween party did not take place in Gura Galbenei.

This is what I mean with FRUSTRATIONS. It took me several weeks to get over it, I whined about it to everyone I knew and it wasn't until about several weeks later did I realize what I did wrong. I approached it all wrong...I needed to create an Initiative Group first and then it'll be easier to narrow down the ones who want to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING.

Imagine what it must of felt like for them, they hardly know who I am and here I am entering into their lives and declare that I want to do something to improve their village with them. I forgot the step where I need to earn their trust and build relationships. OH YEAH, THAT! I mean I do that everyday with the people at my work, but with the children, besides seeing me on the roads or in their school when I go for tutoring, they don't know who I am. So it was clear that I needed a plan...

The good news entered my life, when the Moldovan government started a new program to prevent new graduates to leave the country for work in promising them a contract to work in a selected village for three years and a double salary increase at the end of the contract. As it is known, 1/3 of my village are gone working aboard, and that consists of everyone my age, or if there are any my age they are either married or have children, therefore it has been SO DIFFICULT to find friends that I can relate with.

Fortunately, about two months ago, 5 newly young (23-24 yrs.) graduated girls came to my village to teach at the High School. One of them, Olga, the English and Mathematic teacher came to my work one day to ask if she could BE MY FRIEND!!! and asked if I can help her improve her English. Seriously, that was probably the HAPPIEST day of my life in Moldova so far!! They invited me over to their apartment for tea and we became good friends ever since.

With Olga's help, I started two English Clubs with her students, one is for the younger students, the focus is mostly learning via games and activities, the older group is based on conversations. Olga herself came to me and asked how to make her students want to learn more, because she is having some trouble getting them motivated. The current method here, as it is in a lot of places, is to have the teacher lecture and dominate the classroom teaching via text books.

I've tried to tell her that children learn in a lot of different ways and sometimes they need to move around, apply it to their life and make it fun for them. Of course, there are also other factors that needs t o be taken into consideration as well. Due to having so many abandoned children living with older siblings or grandparents because their parents work aboard, it's not a wonder their emotional well being are not balanced enough to have motivation for school.

Side note: This is another one of those issues that are at the heart of the problems with Moldova right now. The number one compliant from people living here is that they don't get paid enough for the work they do, which explains why there was a teacher strike earlier this week. Two of the young teacher girls are thinking of quiting the contract at the end of this year and work abroad, because they can't live on the 1000 lei a month salary. Young and old alike throughout Moldova chose to leave their families to work legal or illegally elsewhere to make more money.

I've heard stories of people getting caught by the police and handcuffed back home, and yet they are still glad they took the chance to go and work for the short period to make money that they otherwise would never get the opportunity to do in Moldova.

At the moment my host family is trying to get joint citizenship with Romania, because they have grandparents that were born in there, to travel freely in Europe. Romania joined the European Union two years ago and have privileges Moldova does not. Moldova is currently implementing a lot of changes to get themselves in the EU as well, but their number one problem preventing this from being a reality is due to corruption issues.

Another side note: There are a group of children that are considered, "left behind" that I would love to get to work with. They are the ones who were excellent children who do not show up at school anymore, do not have a support system in dealing with their frustrations and sadness and end up making risky life choices. The difficulty lies in the fact that I don't know how to reach out to them. As we all know, I need to prove myself worthy by building relationships before working with people, adults and children alike; but how to do I get to a place where building relationships is even possible with these children who are hide aways, that do not go to school, and are more than likely will not want to participate and come to any of my clubs?

Well back to the issue at hand, Olga has helped me run a few of the English club meetings where we combine different learning opportunities via songs and games to learning English. She seemed interested in how the children are receiving it.

Through these few times a week in meeting with the children, I've find myself not as disappointed and pissed off at my situation as before. The best time spent is with the older students during our discussion in semi English-Romanian about issues they wanted to talk about, such as, love, problems in school, family issues, but mostly they ask me questions about America. It turns out that the group consist of all girls, which I was a little disappointed in at first, but it works out ok, since we are able to talk about girly things.

In the future MAYBE, I can even expand it to a Girl's Empowerment Club doing activities dealing with self-esteem, goal preparations, life skills etc...Even run a seminar like-activity field day later in the summer with the Women's Association, which my Mayor's wife just started an NGO (one of those that is only on paper for now) and I am one of the first 10th member, even though the only thing I've done so far for this organization is type up documents.

I'm getting ahead of myself...it's those expectations again. I tell you!!

Okay, back to the present moment...My plan for the present, right that was where I was getting towards...

It seems like my challenge is to find/weed through the children who wants to do something with me. My plan is to conduct a survey at the school asking them what do they want to see in their village, what kind of clubs/activities are they a part of now and what do they want to participate in etc...I've asked some of the teachers to pass them out and that is still in progression. I hope that this will help me know my next step better.

Again, I know what my mistake was with the 12th grader, I was the “Stranger”, better yet I was the “American Stranger” who busted into their classroom one day asserting to them that I know what they need to do to improve their village, the key word being, THEIR VILLAGE. My tactic is to give them ownership. I will be the mentor and the advisor (my roles, right?), but not the owner of anything I do here. I need to remember that.

Speaking of ownership, during one of the English discussions we talked about problems in school for children in America, then I asked them what their problems are in the village. They replied, they don't have activities to do. I acted totally surprised, I mean I already know that is one of the major problems, but I wanted them to be excited that there is someone who is listening. I went to the board and wrote down what they want to do about it. They said they want a youth club, then again I acted totally surprised, this time it was because I WAS REALLY HAPPY, this is what i want to do all along!! We wrote a list of things to do in the club and I told them that we will talk more about it at the next meeting and we'll make announcements for it.

That was great and all, but when it came time for the next meeting, no one showed up yet again! BLASTED!! Now it's been two weeks considering they had winter vacation and this week there was a teacher strike and no one has been at school. FRUSTRATIONS UP MY ALLEY?

I know I need to be patient (or persistent?), it will all fall into place. When I relate my frustrations with my old site mate, who ended her service and is now back home, she said it happened to her all the time. It's almost part of the reality of living here. NOT COOL!

More freakin frustrations....

Another leering frustration is about interruptions. Not being a native speaker and currently learning, and not being able to express myself as I would want is a frustration in itself, not to add another factor to it. So here is the story...My tutor the Assistant Director of the High School came to me one day and asked if I want to help out with a Youth Seminar where youth from different districts of Moldova will come to our school. I was, again, happy and flattered she included me.

I spent a week, reading up and collecting all my ideas on different activities dealing with AIDS/HIV and life skills etc. Finally at our meeting, I started my explanation then, I swear during the whole 10 minutes or so about 5 different people walk into the room and just started talking and my tutor would respond back to them in the middle of me stumbling through my Romanian. Then afterwards she would turn back to me and say, “and then what's next?” as though she expected me to just keep on going all along without stopping in the middle of all these rude interruptions. This continued, where I would stop talking as people come in and they would have their conversations, and she got agitated with me for stopping every time.

I know I wrote about this as a cultural factor before, but knowing this still does not help my self-esteem in feeling like people actually want to hear what I have to say. In my mind, there is a lack of respect taking place here. Yet again I need to keep in mind that the thing about interruptions here is that it is known as showing respect to people of power, in a way to show that they are a person of importance, i.e. that they have a lot going on. I will work on this...I am well aware that this is another aspect of myself that I need to work on...which is Being FIERCE!!

There is a realization that being here IS NOT EASY. In a way I knew that coming into this...I DID, maybe I just didn't think that I would have to confront situations that turned out to be different than what I'd expected. No matter what the circumstances are, I am here and that is that. What do I want to do about it? Is the question. I will take what I get and make something out of it (Don't you dare think of lemonade).

Back in September, my Country director wrote this amazing entry about what it means to be a Peace Corps volunteer. He captured it very well...I am going to include an excerpt here (the comments in parentheses are from me):

Long ago, in college, on our crew team, the saying “No Pain, No Gain”
was very popular. It was also very accurate.
Nobody performed at their best, or even adequately,
not even the two oarsmen who went on to row on
national and Olympic teams, without reaching a pain threshold,
and pushing beyond it.
That is the way with endurance sports.

Being a Volunteer is different, though it is also in many ways
a type of endurance race. Peace Corps involves thresholds of
a different sort. The loneliness. Frustrations.
Cultural differences, language ability.
There is something we have no word for:
the state of awareness that one is (24) years old and
possesses a degree from a major United States University
and yet the (the 4 year old kindergarten kid) can walk down the
street of your village and communicate better than you can.

That state creates a barrier, a threshold, one that makes us
want to back away, find an easier route (such as the first flight home),
a path that avoids the embarrassment and effort of fumbling through another
tortured interaction with another new person. When we push
past that barrier, the next day we find another, then another,
and another, and inevitably it takes its emotional toll.
(I know all about how that is)

Peace Corps is not about crummy conditions, or about enduring
the difficult. The fact that you do not have to carry water
five miles every morning does not cheapen the experience.
(which I sure am glad I don't have to do)
The fact that you can flip a switch and usually illuminate the
kitchen does not reduce your achievements.

But Peace Corps IS about pushing beyond those thresholds
of difficulty. If cultural barriers were easy, there would be no
need for Peace Corps. If languages were easy to learn,
Americans would know four or five apiece. If markets and
English, health and (Community and Organization Development)
concepts were easy to teach, we would
not ship Americans 10,000 kilometers to remote villages in
Moldova. Our goals ARE important, and achieving them IS
worth the effort, but doing so will never be easy.

So…am I talking about 90-day cultural immersion policies?
(which about 90% of my group broke, it means we were not allowed to spend nights outside our sites for the first 3 months at site)
Yes. And about finding a tutor and working hard at the language?
Yes. And about trying another way to make the host
family situation work, and the balky partner work? Yep, yep.

But I am also talking about day to day, little things, big annoyances,
confronting what we don’t like to do. (i.e. shouting at people at the post office, read on you'll find out)
I am talking about Volunteers, and Staff. About me.

No pain, no gain. Not the most enjoyable of credos by which
one can live. But pick out the Moldova 19 (the group that recently ended their service, my group is M22) whom you think was the most successful, and the happiest with their service.
Ask them about the difficult times, and how they got through
them. Their words will be different. But somewhere in there
you will hear about thresholds confronted, and crossed. The
most difficult path is usually the wrong way. But the simplest
path rarely leads where you really want to go.

Again...What is my plan??? Thus said, the plan is: I'm going to push beyond my thresholds and be FIERCE!!

That is actually what I'm going to do. I'm going to be persistent, I'm going to demand work, I am going to do what I came here to do. I came here with a mission, and I know that expectations are sometimes too great, but I don't think that mine is way out there. All I want to do is work with children and have people want to work with me. That isn't too big or way whacked.

Awhile back, before a M 19 left, they wrote about how important persistence is to being a Peace Corps volunteer, especially here in Moldova...following is an excerpt so that you can get a better idea of how it works here (again in parentheses are my comments):

Don’t believe me? Go down to your local post office tomorrow morning and try to mail a
letter. You, the odd one out, patiently waiting in line, will be cut, pushed out of the way,
and surpassed by many a Moldovan – some yelling, all somehow working their way through the crowd.
(Can't even begin to tell you have annoying and frustrating it is when this happens-this was why it took about 2 hours for me to send a package to Ethan for his birthday until I figured it out, way after the matter) The postal worker, having watched you wait with no results for at least 30 minutes (try 2 hours) by now, will yet again help the person who ends up in the front of the line (fairly or unfairly).

WHY?

Because the line cutter wants it more, or at least that’s how it appears on the surface. If you really wanted to be helped, you would have pushed to the front. ( i.e be Freakin FIERCE) You would be raising your voice, not texting your friends about how frustrating everything is in Moldova. You look content waiting. So they will let you wait.

Once you understand this simple concept – sometimes you have to be persistent (can be read as annoying) to get results – you will not only be able to mail letters quickly, you will, hopefully, be able to better secure yourself work in your community.

Yes, you “GAVE UP” two years of your life, moved how many thousand miles away from home; you were expecting work to be waiting for you – productive, hands-on, making a difference, hardcore “Peace Corps” work. You were under the impression (darn expectations again), perhaps that this work was just waiting to be done, that it NEEDED to be done… Why else would you have come? (yeah, RIGHT!!!)

Sometimes, as we all have learned, what we thought was, isn’t always the reality of Peace Corps (for better and worse). Maybe one person in your group was handed their perfect job, with individually tailored work on a platter (such as, my co-volunteer who actually did her Halloween fundraising with success, you wanna know why? Her partner has the title and is getting paid only for her work as a "Project Designer", how wonderful is that to find someone already dedicated) – but believe it or not those are the rare situations. (Oh, she also has a site mate!!! how unfair!)

Perhaps your counterpart is an “absentee landlord,” never there, has no time, and is not-motivated to work with you. Or even worse, you may think your counterpart is “part of the problem” in various ways. Maybe your organization only exists on paper.

Maybe it’s a grant chaser. Maybe it seems they just want you to translate said grants (been there, done that). Maybe not. But let’s assume for some reason that your primary assignment doesn’t work out, at all. You’ve waited on kids at internet cafes (or at the school) for months, you’ve waited on meetings that never happened, you’ve tried over and over to address the “communication problem” with your counterpart, with no results. You’re fed up, frustrated with yourself, with them, and with Peace Corps. What do you do?

However it translates; Annoying, Fierce, Persistence, Making Lemonade...it all means one thing and that is, I'm not going to sit around and wait for what I want to come to me. I freaking gave up so much to be here and I'm going to turn it into something worthwhile, even if at times I just want to throw in the towel and call it quits. You know why, it's because I'm F-ING COMMITTED!!!

I wanted this for so long, it doesn't matter if it turns out to be different from what I'd expected it to be. It doesn't matter that it's WAY F-ING HARDER than I thought. My emotional toll has come and it will keep coming, and that is okay, as long as I keep on learning. No matter how many nights I spend crying my eyes out, it's all ok as long as I find some BEAUTY underneath it all, as my old site mate advised me.

She also said something else that has helped open up my eyes, "To fulfill why I went (Moldova) meant I had to become comfortable with me." That I am still trying to work out. I am in the process of getting in touch with all sides of me, not hiding the bullshit, the side of me who can cut lines and shout at people to get her mail sent. I too can be the person who ask for what she wants and will fight for it.

In hopes that this has enlightened you a bit on how things have been lately for me in Moldova, I will sign off until next time. With this I promise, I will continue to be FIERCE with a bit of a Moldovan touch...Why not, it won't hurt.

The dealings....August Update

2008-09-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

My entertainment for one evening was watching my host dad lower a watermelon down to the bottom of the well to keep it cool. “It's even better than the refrigerator or the cellar”, he said and he was right, the next day he brought it back up and it was wonderfully cold and yummy. He also said that when he was growing up, his family would store up to 20 watermelons in the well! Hmm...wouldn't that be nice, a watermelon a day till the end of summer! He also mentioned rather proudly that growing up he spent all his time in the fields with the watermelons and the only thing he ate was watermelon and bread. My host mom then added, “That is why he's not healthy today.” referring to how in the last few weeks, he's been banned from alcohol because he's getting injections for all his sickness.

This month, I've noticed that the church bell has been ringing more than the usual every Sunday, in remainder of it being a day of rest or for other days, being a Saint's day. I normally ask when I hear the church bell ringing outside those days, “Is it a holiday today?” to my host family and they would respond, “No, someone died today.” I've learned to tell the difference and need not ask anymore.

When there is a death, the bell rings every 20 minutes during the whole service, and then follows a march with the casket to the cemetery passing through the road by my house. I can tell when this happens due to the amount of religious flags and towels draped to the side of them passing my fence, and sometimes there would be a choir singing along.

I asked my host dad, after observing that lately there has been more deaths following each other than when I first came, “Is it true that there are more deaths in the summer than in any other time?” He said that this year the weather has been really hot and food has been more expensive that is why more people have been dying and besides in the winter, people have wine to drink and they stay healthier that way. I'm not sure how true the last explanation is, but it sure made me think.

Before it got steaming hot outside, during one of my walks around the village I stopped to the buy a bar of chocolate with walnuts (the best kind, only if it's in the red packaging with Russian letters on it). Then I thought how wonderful it would be to walk and eat at the same time, until I got some stares along the way. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, I usually get stares, or sometimes even dirty looks, but this was different, it felt different. I didn't understand what it was from, until I was walking pass this house and a lady came out, barely any teeth left and said something I couldn't understand, I couldn't tell if it was from her missing teeth or if it was in Russian. However, she motioned at my purse and then I realized that she must have seen me eat the chocolate, so I gave her some. It totally occurred to me at that time how arrogant I must seem to walk around eating something that some people can not afford. I feel really bad for not taking that into consideration beforehand. Well, now I know not to do that anymore.

I've been spending the last couple of weeks working on drawing a mural for my host mom's classroom. She had seen some of my work that I'd started after getting all my art supplies from the art piața and later asked me to do a mural in the new classroom. I should mention that she had just gotten her Psychology teaching degree and will now start to teach it at the high school! It will be the first time the subject is being taught at the school, which is very exciting, therefore, she got a bigger classroom. As of now, I've finished the drawing and will spend this week painting it to get the room ready for the new school year. She's been wanting it to be a surprise for her students and the staff, so she has asked me to not say anything. I've been feeling weird being seen around the school at 9pm on a Saturday night. I bet they are all wondering, “What the heck is the she doing sneaking around here?”

It has been a process working with my host mom, I've got to say because, she is a perfectionist such as I. She definitely wants it to be a certain way and I totally understand, she is the one who has to teach and see at it all day everyday. I've been trying to not take things personally and know that she is only voicing what she wants and I want to think I would do the same if I were in her position, if anything I should probably learn from her to demand for what I want. I have a hard time already trying to figure out what it is I want at most times, so I guess once I have that down I should be on the right direction.

Well, it boils down to this, I only have four more days to paint because this weekend I won't be in site. I will be spending my weekend at the beach! Yes, finally this summer will be complete! Therefore, it's crunch time and the other day she asked me if I knew that this Wednesday is Independence day for Moldova, which means no one will be working. I had no idea, I mean I was told during training but do I remember these things? No. We were both glad that I can spend all day Wednesday day painting, but what I want to tell you more about is what she said after all of this.

When you think of Independence Day, 4th of July for us, what do you think of?

Pride and joy for your country? To some extent we all feel that way for America. Well, she said that she doesn't understand why Wednesday is Independence Day when the people in this country can hardly live. It's not something to be joyful about. She explains that she doesn't want anyone to have something another person doesn't have. For one to have an advantage (fair or not) over another person. She said that she doesn't see how Moldova can benefit from their Independence from Russia when now that the country is The Republic of Moldova, no one knows where it is on the map. Yes, Moldova is independent, independent from help and resources.

Then she went on to say that Sunday is Ziua de Limba, which means Language Day when the national language switched to Romanian over Russian and the alphabet switched from Cyrillic to Latin. She seemed displeased and didn't seem to see the importance of such a change when she had to switched from writing Romanian using the Cyrillic alphabet all her life to one day having to write in Latin alphabet and till this day, she said she writes with mistakes. These changes she said, would mean something to her if it proved that Moldova is a thriving country but Moldova is poor due from it's independence from Russia.

On the other side, Language Day for some Moldovan signifies the greatest movement of independence from Russia and many fought for that change. It was interesting to me to hear her take on it, but I am not at all surprise for I've met many Moldovan who have expressed their desire to still be apart of the Soviet Union, where everyone had work and schooling and “wasn't suffering”.

There is a lot of history here and I am mostly listening and taking in information when this subject arises.

I came home from work one day to my host dad picking grapes and making wine. We sat and talked, well actually, I mostly listened to him explain to me the process of making wine and which grapes tend to make the best wine and so on and so fourth. I followed him to the barrel of grapes as he mushed it all together and he continued to tell me that there are some grapes that after being left for two weeks will clump together and float to the top of the barrel. He said at one time he gave the clump to the chickens, hens and roosters, as to every food items left over. He soon discovered that soon after they all kept on falling down and eventually fell asleep that that particular type of grapes are excellent for wine making. He said that the hen was drunk for 3 days, only waking up stumbling over for food and water!

Then he continued on with a story about his neighbor who one day did the same thing he did, but she didn't think that her poultry was drunk from the grapes, but thought that they all died, so she plucked all their feathers to keep for stuffing pillows and tossed them by the canal. She was awoken in the night to all the featherless chicken clucking their way back home. Wow, what an image!

As to work, I've started computer tutoring for the people at the office. My partner who usually types everything up for everyone is on vacation for the whole month, and so everyone has been coming to me to type up documents. I had to quickly learn how to type in Romanian and to read people's handwriting. After that I started to mention computer lessons and so far my accountant's cashier is the only one who've started lessons with me, but both my Mayor and the Secretary has expressed their interest. My goal is to get know how to conduct these lessons on a wider scale and later have a computer seminar for everyone in the village that is interested at the computer lab in the high school. The challenge is for me to familiarize myself with using the computer in Russian. Thank god, Peace Corps gave us COD volunteers manual on how to interpret it.

In the grant department, I've found an Infrastructure grant for the Mayor in which, he wants to use it for fixing up the main road and bridge in the village, repairing the bathroom in the high school (which is most needed), getting two more micro buses that will travel to and from our district center (right now we have one bus, people mostly hitch hike if they don't know anybody in the village that is going as well), and installing gas for those who don't have it already. The grant is from an American organization apart of the World Bank Organization and it needs to be written in English.

For the last several months, I've been spending most of my time translating information on the grant and giving it to him. Until one day, I found out that I could translate the whole web page using Google Translate in just a second. That must have been the happiest day for me in Moldova so far. Who would have known, my one month of wasted time can be done in a second. Don't know if I should cry or sing. I guess the only benefit to it is I've learned new Romanian words!

The next step is mostly waiting on my part for my tutor who wrote the last grant for the village, to write this one in Romanian and soon after I and my partner, who knows a little English will work together to translate it back in English. What a process!

That's the extent to what is going on in my work life. I'm hoping that as soon as school starts up once again I should be able to get some clubs going or participate in existing one and get to hang out with children more often.

I have a feeling that next month will go by much faster, since more than half of the month I will be occupied. There will be a COD project and design management seminar that me and my partner or my mayor will have to go to for three days, then I have my Language Exam with classes before hand for refreshing then the exam, and finally my vacation to Budapest and Romania! I'm sure that after all of that I will come back refreshed and ready to get more work going.

As you probably already know, my external hard drive decided not to work anymore and my phone was stolen. First it was the hard drive, which not only had all my documents backed up, but movies in which I've downloaded from other volunteers. Which left me to resort to find other things to occupy my nights, other than watching movies, such as reading, doing tae bo, yoga or mediating and playing games on my computer or just laying on my bed staring at my ceiling. Then my phone which was pretty much my life line to the outside world. Now without both of those things, I've experienced what it's like to go “without”. I had no idea I depended on those things until it is gone. The phone was more drastic, feeling so disconnected from people, it's not that I used the phone that much besides the occasional texting between the volunteers and people at home, but to know that there is no way to communicate gives me a panic feeling.

How did I get this way? What ever happened to life without technology, guess that is not possible, since I am using my laptop to type this right now. This is dependence, I am no longer independent of anything. Simply can't be. I don't think I can ever revert to times before technology.

Speaking of technology, all of this is in hopes that tomorrow my internet hero will come and fix it up and I will get to send this. Some of the info on here is out dated since I've written it several days ago. I'm sure you understand. Signing off with all the love in the world from Moldova!

Life is back to normal, now there is a phone

2008-09-08T01:54:00.000-07:00

All is sweet again as my tech life is back to normal...internet at work and a phone in my hands, there can never be anything sweeter.

I just hope the person who stole my phone can rejoice in their glory of losing me $100!

Text me via my new number...in case you've forgotten how here's a reminder....

My new number is 011-373-688-12633!

You can send me text messages to my phone by going to...

Go to www.orange.md

click on the box on the right hand side with a picture of an envelope, that says Orange Text and „expediaza web sms” (send web sms)

It will take you to another web page that says Web SMS at the top. Follow the directions:

De la—type in your name instead of „websms”
Catre—leave the opening as +37368 and then type in 812633 (the rest of my number)
Mesajul—type your message (such as, Eden, we love you! :)
Introduceti—type the 5-digit code that you see in the blank box.
Click „trimite sms"

I've planted the seed...

2008-07-17T05:04:00.000-07:00

My community is in the middle of getting a grant for repairing the closed down sport complex. The only agreement for us to get the money is for the community to raise a certain amount of money. We need to do this by the end of this month! My Mayor has sent out several people out in the village to get contributions, so far we've gotten a fourth of what we need.

Today, I talked to him about putting together a futbal tournament event, for we have three very successful teams in our village, in order to raise more money. He said that they have never done anything like that before for fundraising. He said he would think about it and talk to the Vice Primar about it.

I'm waiting to see what will come out of my seed. I do realize that we don't have much time, but hey if the Peresecina crew was able to get a concert going and raise a decent amount of money in two weeks, I believe Gura Galbenei can do it too! I just hope that my Mayor believes it too.

We'll see....

Another point I would like to bring up is how much I love the sense of time here in Moldova. It took some getting use to, don't get me wrong, but I'm slowly enjoying it. For a person like me who is usually always late for something or other, it's great! Time is not something that is threatening me anymore. Big Bad Time...has left my life for the time being.

Help Moldovan Children!

2008-07-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

Wings of Hope
Dear Friends,

We are getting ready for our trip to Moldova where
we will be working on a kindergarten project through
the organization that we started,
Wings of Hope International(WHI)(www.whintl.org).

We had some success raising funds for the project
and these funds will be used to make a big difference
in the lives of many children in Moldova.

I would like to ask you to consider helping us
raise funds by using the GoodSearch search engine
that is powered by Yahoo search. Every time a person
searches using GoodSearch the company donates one
penny to the non-profit organization that person
chooses. We are registered with GoodSearch and every
time a person chooses Wings of Hope International
we receive one penny.

If you would like to support us when you are doing any
search on the web, please follow these directions:

1. Type www.goodsearch.com
2. On the first page in the second box were it says
"WHO DO YOU GOODSEARCH FOR?"
type Wings of Hope International.
3. Then you can type whatever you would like to search
in the box above " WHO DO YOU GOODSEARCH FOR?"

You also can make www.goodsearch.com your default home
page by going to TOOLS on the drop down menu and then
choose Internet Options, then choose General tab after
you chose Internet Options and type in the box that
says Address: http://www.goodsearch.com/
Thank you for considering supporting
our Wings of Hope International.

A little treat from Perescina

2008-07-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

When we danced the Hora for our Goodbye Party at the end of Pre-Service Training

Pașa and Me

The List: The Worst Places to Be a Woman

2008-07-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

The thing to take note: It is looking UP!

MOLDOVA
Worst in Europe

Share of women in Parliament: 22 percent

Female-to-male income ratio: 63:100

Female literacy rate: 99 percent

Moldova is a major source country for women trafficked into prostitution. In a country whose per capita income (adjusted for purchasing power) is in the same league as India and Nicaragua, young women and girls often fall for recruiters’ promises of well-paying jobs abroad, only to be forced to work for pimps in places such as Russia, Turkey, and the United Arab Emirates. Meanwhile, the government’s efforts to prevent trafficking and protect victims have been weak; some government officials and police officers have even been complicit in trafficking. But things might be looking up: The first female prime minister took office this year.

SOURCE: U.N. Human Development Report

To see the rest of the list go here...http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4319

2008-07-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

More will come....more to experience and to tell!

2008-07-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

Eden in Moldova is evolving as we speak!