Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Testing, Hello Testing

I really feel like everything that is happening today is a test call for me to see how much endurance I can take. I am very touchy today, the sounds of people, me, myself, everything is really getting to me. I need a vacation from myself. I don't know what it is.

I am disconnected...not that person I wanted to be.
I am useless...not being used.
I am done...done with the same things over and over again.
I should be better at taking criticisms.
I need to have more trust in my own abilities to not let that kind of stuff get to me.
I need to not care about what other thinks, then I care that I don't care. Can I get away from that?
I need to hold others at the same level of expectations, and then know that it's not my fault.
Or maybe I need not have any expectations at all...maybe that is the answer.
Maybe I need not compare myself, my own situations with others.
Maybe I need to trust.
Somehow, I need to get over this ugly nasty funk, that I am in.
Who needs confirmation? It is not I...Or is it? done with it already. For the love of all things beautiful.

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