Saturday, January 31, 2009

The world will see me as having 25 years soon.

The direct translation in Romanian when one asks, "How old are you?" and you answer, "Eu am 25 de ani." means that I have 25 years. If you ask me, I like the meaning behind the Romanian translation better, it makes me feel like I OWN my years. Like I took charge of it and have done something with it.

It's a rather different feeling with, "I am 25 years old" in the English language. That on the flip side brings me back to how, even though I try not to, but sometimes cave in, and just let life take control of me. I mean, you too have to admit that at times you want it all figured out for you, to have it all planned out.

At this very present moment in time, the realization that I am closely emerging on having 5 years minus 3 decades of life is very apparent. Therefore, I'd say that it is crucial to use this time for reflection and ask myself, "What have I gained?", "Do I have more than just the mere numbers of my years?"

The answer to that is..."Well, self I would want to say that I am not just the number of years, but that I owned those years. That it brought me to be the me today, in a good happy place în sufletul meu (in my soul)."

"The me" then replies, "That isn't a good enough answer! Are you kidding me? You know better than that! I am talking about the railroad dream from last night or the one about finding your path, give me some clear cut examples!"

"The other side of me" then says, "What do you want, a list or something?"

"The me" concluded, "You know that I am a concrete learner, tell me what you've gained in your 25 years."

"The other side of me" sighs in an overwhelming, almost annoyed kinda way.

However, after several minutes of deep contemplation, she finally decided to give up her list in knowing that she knows the other side of her very well. Better yet, she also knows herself well in that she too will end up benefiting from this darn forsaken list.

(Note: To those who thought the previous dialog was rather strange and that it worried you...even a little, here is my response......"You all know I have split personality by now, I am in the Peace Corps!" We are breed that way, just ask any of the other volunteers. Oh yeah, you all know that I am also an Asian American, we too are also breed that way. It is now in my blood)

The me such...mai departe...To list out all the ways in which I got this 25th year to wondering if I do or do not have, and if I do, why I might have a parasite living in my tummy should be an interesting thing to do indeed. (do read about the parasite in my tummy at your next disposable time and sitting...updates coming soon)

I know nothing about parasites living in tummies, but I do know one thing and that is on Tuesday of the first week in February of 2009, I will give birth to a bright brown eyed, smiling, optimistic 25 year old little Asian American living in Moldova-girl. What else is there to say. I will be a very happy and proud parent. A parent who can easy speak about herself in third person when addressing pride issues about her beautiful and strong minded daughter, who by the way will have 25 years of age, in life, in experiences, in love and hate and in seeing the sun. Also to add, in listening to YO YO Ma, Appalachian Waltz at midnight of one night, in a cold casa and wanting nothing more to do with this splash of release painted with colors of tiredness and anticipation for the coming 25th year in life, even though in full reality it already came in July of last year.

I am a result of one întimplare of one mutual showcase of love and devotion. That is what I have in my 25 years to put on the shelf.

To me..."Oh sorry, I'd forgotten about the concrete tad bit in your argument piece...maybe next time. However, don't hold your breath."

No comments: