Friday, March 27, 2009


I am stuck, in my daily routines, nothing is no longer changing. I think it's hilarious how "out of it" I feel, then I remember how I complained so much before about how "tuned in" I was. About how much I think, how much I have to concentrate with the language, the surroundings, the constant changing of my emotions.

Well, now I am stuck in Limbo. I am neither there or here. I feel a bit numb, maybe that is how one should be feeling about this time into service, you know how you actually feel settled and nothing really surprises you anymore. The most bizarre things or rather behavior, that once I got caught off guard with, such as, finding a chicken heart in my soup, having people drink directly from the jar of pickles that the whole table shares, the peeing in the hole in the outhouse, the strange stares or questions that comes my way. Those things, effected me, in so many ways, good or bad, they effected me before.

Now, it's a rather different feeling, actually it's not a feeling at all, it's life. It's just how it IS. I go by with my day without thinking twice about it, but somehow, I miss those days when I have something going on, some connection to something. The numbness is getting to me. The question then arises, "Am I bored? Bored of the regularities?" Maybe, but that doesn't that mean it's bad? I am stable. I am not "up and down", the "walking and talking or non-talking bipolar dilemma case" anymore. I haven't cried myself to sleep in awhile. I have a routine that I've grown used to. I am living and not just analyzing. I'll take what I can get, right?

No comments: